也好也不好

Mr Children 只是一个有感而发罢了。谢谢关照。

前些日子在读到 ‘在物是人非的风景里，我最想念你’ 或什么的，抄下用在开头。今天我在别处又读到了 在所有人事已非的景色里,我最喜欢你.

说的是不同的事。写得也相当离题。我想可能这话太有意境了吧，很多人都非用不可。再不然就是什么歌词，只是我没听过。

她问，要是真能倒退回去，爹妈老婆孩子都还在现在，您回去吗。
他说，那。。。得考虑考虑，他们。。。不能跟着回去吗？

后来，我们觉得，生活已经慢慢地变成一张网，缠住我们。不能纯粹为自己活。也好也不好。

乍看之下我能明白。然后可以象小凌说的那样，就别多想了。可是我竟然去仔细想想。

如果是我，我好想回到过去。回到中学，或小学。没有什么新加坡，没什么国大。没什么忧虑。那么要是真能倒退回去，爹妈老婆孩子却都留在现在。。。

我没老爹，没老婆，没孩子。我只是老妈的儿子和老弟的哥哥，和所有人的老大，人人都叫我大哥。我大概也是家里的老爸。我就是那个不能纯粹为自己活。也好也不好那个。如果回到过去，我就只是我。只扮演一个我的角色。我并不眷恋现在的生活。

祁洁在这里，我突然多了一个妹妹样的，跟她讲很多，也听她讲很多。我竟然不知道我可以那么耐心。就不怎么努力地，就体会到她告诉我的事情，也很自然地在人群中牵着她的手怕她落单，陪她刷牙或连夜亮着厨房灯因为她怕黑，吃什么都想分给她一份。我从来没有这么对待过或想对待自己的弟弟和妈妈。

和她这几天，我渐渐觉得，即使我有很多能够明白我的朋友，其实只是我比想象中更需要能够明白我的家人。。偏偏我对亲生家人又那么疏离。我那么自然地牵她的手，现在却连想象自己牵老母的手都觉得别扭。以前我发现自己比想象中更快适应一个人的生活，大概是想逃离吧。

我真是奇怪哉也。

我在无可奈何的同时，也在嫌我的家人吧。嫌他们不了解，嫌他们不明白，嫌他们不同频。

我在很懦弱地怨天尤人就是了。

Mr Children

一时感触，搞得我好想哭。

天下竟然有这种事。

我真的可怜我自己，未老先衰。老顽童怎样都比小老头好吧。

大家努力做个 Mr. Children 吧。

I am not a duck

When ppl talk (complain) to me about their job, I always think self-understanding is important as to possess genuine interest in what you are doing is critical. even when you know you are not happy, it is equally important to know it is the job that you don't like or you just don't like to work in that company due to various reasons. it helps you to decide if you want to switch company or switch industry. or change it.

I remember i had a discussion with Jaron about it. his top 3 factors defined for an ideal job included working partners. and that was quite low for me at that time. I was working independently and literally on my own. I didn't feel the influence of working partners. But these days I keep thinking back and forth to re-evaluate my situation (there are a lot more exciting stories to tell when i meet you all next time), I suddenly realize i was experiencing the effect of it.

ppl say you are what you think. if you are a goose among the duck, the influence of your peers will bit and bit change your perception of yourself. if you realized it too late, you may just think you are a duck. and it could fatally transform you into a person crying for everything you don't have without thinking how much you can do. even you have very strong self-belief, that kind of environment will just make yourself looks like an idiot who is trying to be different and seek for attention all the time.

Recently I met 2 persons.

both of them have something in common, visionary and effective. maybe inspirational in different way. Just talk to them in general after a long-time-no-see period, talking about how's life and so on. It was so satisfying and motivating. I suddenly spot a trend. They work in a good company and it is the person around them that make the difference. they work among the best people in the most conducive environment. even a short chat make you feel like emulating them. You feel like working as them, you don't want to focus on those chores, thinking of how come his bonus is more, why should i stay back and not him etc. you just want to work focus and achieve something worth remember.

they were so exciting. I truly under-estimate the working environment this time round.

I was certainly being caught off-guard. I shall frown less and focus more. even you called me an idiot, so be it.

and i am glad i have friends like you all that remind me i am not a duck.

just a bit, more.

I suddenly feeling i am so tiny.

it takes a little bit, just a little bit less, to have the mind of stay in a comfortable zone.

I am feeling i wasn't at my best and there are always external factors as my convenient excuse. I am slowing down and i am started to whine and complain, not for the sake of it, but it's a state of mere dissatisfaction.

for all the things that happened, regardless I've told you before or not, all of them boiled down to one thing in me.

It's simply because I refuse to bear a greater responsibility and I've not prepare myself to advance for another level. i thought this is the best i can do.

hey friends, thanks for all the time listening to me. with the coffee, or the supper, or the dinner.

I think i have finally willing to picked myself up, because maybe i can do a little bit better than now. or even much more better than now. I would like to see.

I am still tired, but hopefully i will be telling you good news the next time i see you when i see you again.

张靓颖

张靓颖

把记忆模糊了 回到那年冬季
不期而遇 在白色天地
无雪的世界里 我畅快的呼吸
因为有你 在等美丽
眼神中体会久违的默契
这感觉 无忧无虑 我们在一起
我的世界 没有你就不是完整的天地

流连在雪景中回忆
童年有谁在我心底
如此的熟悉
冰封的世界里
欢笑有我有你
无论何时 无论何地
不同的颜色融合在一起
这感觉 没有距离 我们在一起
欢乐的心 未来每一天我们会更纯清

爱让我们在一起

多事之秋

如果在国外，现在应该是秋末冬初了。

有四季的地方比较浪漫，回忆会紧系着春夏秋冬。无论快乐悲伤，都有被期待的季节要来临。若忘了，天暖天凉会提醒你。

回家一趟，那么多事。第一次发觉对母爱的感应能力异常迟钝。简直就是非常差。心里感受的和脑海里想的完全是两回事。知道应该做什么，如何做，而且异常清醒，却没有一丁点所谓的油然而生。就是纯粹地奉行着道德课本上的为孝之道。内疚也是因为过意不去，绝不是发自内心。

很想把这种无头烂账算在我爸头上。要怪他削弱我对家里所该有的一切感受，其实容易又方便极了。只是这种念头不太称我的形象，骄傲的骨头不可能承认这冤大头。

去找以前的一个老师，非常尊敬的一个老师。谈话中发觉原来自己有很多故事，从来都没有被触摸。想想有点感伤，又有点骄傲。唯一欣慰的是，我从来没有让老师失望过。我一直都被期待着，而从来都没有辜负她们。或许，那是我会尊敬的原因。毕竟以前有个老师叫我去卖炒粉，我听不出激将的味道，完全就是羞辱。再不，就是从来没教过我的副校长当着我面前降格负责老师发下来的预估成绩。那口气，早在十年前我就学会吞下了。

工作没精打采，非常讨厌。不知道几时才能心无牵挂地放假。新来的学生非常爱笑，看着他们那样，我心里在想，上次我想他们那样开怀大笑是几时。心情有点烦躁，好象都有一段时间了。有上有下，整体普遍偏低，象股市有大熊的日子。

如果在国外，现在应该是秋末冬初。如果是个多事之秋，恐怕寒冬就要来了吧。

没关系。如果在国外，总会有四季。而春天还是会到的。

今天chenmei生日，还是中秋节。

生日快乐。

中秋节快乐。

认识祖传

在还没写下这行之前，想起今天是9/11。我不是想说什么反恐，回顾什么的。只是突然觉得，尽管象飞机撞大厦那样的大事，就这样过去六年了。现在我说那真是个要记得的日子，可是若有我很重视的人在那次不幸中离开的话，今天就不再仅仅是个该记得的日子了。

那是一年一度检验伤口的日子。

再次印证张曼娟的一席话。那些在当事人生命里所谓的刻骨铭心，无论再怎么动人或震撼，终究沦为旁人茶余饭后的云淡风清。没有什么事情是应该执着一世的。

各位同学，我上上个星期天生日。在怡保。国庆日前回家时是有想到那天会在家过的，没想要怎样或刻意不想怎样，就如果有人叫我去喝茶，我要吃芽菜鸡。回到家里胡混了一下，就没一回事地忘了。发了一个短讯给小凌说我在家，就照旧。突然跟我说有蛋糕，我才想起，噢，明天。她猜错，以为今天。她忘了带，我说算了，有心就好。临回来新前几个小时，才打电话给锦兰，又照旧。象交功课一样，跟她投诉一下谁或什么，听她投诉一下谁或什么，就完了。不用几秒，她又打回来，说差一点忘了。有心，谢了。陆续有些短讯，要回说谢谢什么的，到了后来，其实已经有点连回一封谢谢的短讯都觉得麻烦。

生日这样又不是，那样又不是。我说。我真难侍候。

认识祖传，就不会觉得难侍候了。我自己就知道为什么和想怎样。关于自己，我不知道的还真不多。如果你说得中和看得懂，你应该是个可以忍受祖传的人。我其貌不扬，个性鲜明，心地善良，安稳沉静，欣赏目前和周遭所发生的事情。忠于自己的价值观，忠于自己所重视的人，喜欢那些花费时间去认识和理解我内心的忠诚之人。。。。不信你去看看。

我就知道为什么和想怎样。

可惜。知其而知所以然，非能所知之。汝知否?

what a name

Its name is Pityriasis Rosea.

At first i thought how come suddenly my body got so many mosquito bites. a moment later i thought must be my matress breeding blood sucking bugs. and a moment again later my tummy, chest, waist, thigh, back, shoulder and arm(pit) were covered with tiny ring shape red spots. at middle range i look like just attacked by a troop of bees.....that decided to bite me half-hearted.

it is a skin condition characterized by pink oval patches of rash. Unknown cause, and i am glad its onset is unrelated to food because this year alone i've got 3 times of food poisoning and at least 2 times required MC. damn weak la..... cm shld ready to bring back more free charcoal pill for me. also not related to stress level as well. i just came back from a break of patriotism, cannot be stress. must be an auto-response mechanism that refused to work hard.

it is thought that this essentially non-contagious condition is set off by virus. the doctor gave me an article with information about this condition. "it disappear as myteriously as it came" was the only line i can remember.... what kind of disease man??? the best part is it has no cure or treatment. only symptom treatment available to relief the itchy. else apply some steroid, or take anti-histamine, which is the worst. yesterday night i was bloody itchy that i decided to take the 2 tablets of anti-histamine at night, i knew it causes drowsiness and i thought taking it before i sleep shld be complete fine. i was wrong.

i woke up 845am and it feels like 4am.

in case you want to know how long it last. or you are very concern (thanks for your concern here first ^_^) when it will recover, it takes a damn 6 week at minimum and could take up to 3 months if i am so fortunate.

you don't want to know how my body looks like, but you can see how's other ppl's body looks like. am not sure if i will look like that 3 weeks later, i am counting my time. it's just only a week gone.



its name is Pityriasis Rosea. It has a much romantic chinese name....err, surname.

玫瑰糠疹。

Psytopic

http://www.psytopic.com/mag/post/820.html

hey dude, can try this, i think it is eerily close to our own understanding if it is not entirely accurate. i would think so because it listed a lot of my occupations of favourite.

Psytopic分析：您的性格类型是“ISFP”(内向+实感+情感+知觉)

沉静，友善，敏感和仁慈。欣赏目前和他们周遭所发生的事情。喜欢有自己的空间，做事又能把握自己的时间。忠于自己的价值观，忠于自己所重视的人。不喜欢争论和冲突，不会强迫别人接受自己的意见或价值观。

ISFP型的人平和、敏感，他们保持着许多强烈的个人理想和自己的价值观念。他们更多地是通过行为而不是言辞表达自己深沉的情感。

ISFP型的人谦虚而缄默，但实际上他们是具有巨大的友爱和热情之人，但是除了与他们 相知和信赖的人在一起外，他们不经常表现出自我的另一面。因为ISFP型的人不喜欢直接地自我表达，所以常常被误解。

ISFP型的人耐心、灵活，很容易与他人相处，很少支配或控制别人。他们很客观，以一种相当实事求 是的方式接受他人的行为。他们善于观察周围的人和物，却不寻求发现动机和含义。

ISFP型的人完全生活在现在，所以他们的准备或计划往往不会多于必需，他们是很好的短期计划制定者。因为他们喜欢享受目前的经历， 而不继续向下一个目标兑现，所以他们对完成工作感到很放松。

ISFP型的人对于从经历中直接了解和感受的东西很感兴趣，常常富有艺术天赋和审美感，力求为自己创造一个美丽而隐蔽的环境。没有想要成为领导者，ISFP 型的人经常是忠诚的追随者和团体成员。

因为他们利用个人的价值标准去判断生活中的每一件事，所以他们喜欢那些花费时间去认识他们和理解他们内心的忠诚之人。他们需要最基本的信任和理解，在生活中需要和睦的人 际关系，对于冲突和分歧则很敏感。

您适合的领域有：手工艺、艺术领域 医护领域 商业、服务业领域等


您适合的职业有：

· 客户销售代表
· 行政人员
· 商品规划师
· 测量师
· 海洋生物学者 (marine biologist ah...not sure why i like it. do you know i dunno how to swim??)
· 厨师 (in particular, a sushi master. want to be one like in the manga~)
· 室内装潢设计师 (can try on my own house next time, but not sure if others like my taste)
· 园艺设计师
· 旅游销售经理
· 旅行社销售人员
· 职业病理专业人员
· 时装、首饰设计师
· 陶器制作者
· 乐器制作者
· 卡通漫画制作者
· 素描画家
· 舞蹈演员
· 画家 (this one on top of the list, but everyone say i will die for hunger)
· 出诊医生
· 出诊护士
· 理疗师
· 牙科医生
· 个人健康和运动教练 (hey, i teach beginner badminton ok~)
· 体育用品、个人理疗用品销售员
· 餐饮业、娱乐业业主 (did i ever tell you i want to have my own cafe?)

holiday ahead

It takes exactly 32 days before i got a day off. In the period of 32 days, it includes a superb singapore national day held in a superb thursday that you are "probably" going to have a superb long weekend if you took a day off on the following friday.

probably....means probably not, to me.

i was in the lab during the singapore national day, so i told myself it was because i love malaysia so hard that i didn't feel right to celebrate their national day by having a day off. i will instead make sure it will be a 4-days-off during malaysia national day. i am a born malaysian and it is in my blood.....

well, that may not be the only reason though. i feel my concentration was going down and started to make silly mistakes. at time it just need a repeat for that experiment, but by murphy's law as you know, it will cost you the most damage possibly imaginable with the lowest probability the error could cause. i shall save it until this lengthy chronic inflammation period is over. certainly not now.

taking a break is a preparation for an even tougher work ahead. i may learn the true meaning of it very soon. in a way i was way too rely on for a scope too wide to cope. from my own writing, my own experiment, coming grant application, housekeeping, baby sitting, or even involved in other's work .....voluntarily. i even need to take care of the damn printer ink?!?!? damn you guys who is a little more free can you just get the ink and filled it in?!?!?

ok, that's just the chores that make my bad temper.

i shall go sleep now.

祝福你

于是，ej和jiun结婚了。

祝福你们。

回家

我已经一个星期没见到cm。

上次见到她是在上个星期三晚上。

今天回家，远远在楼下看见客厅黄灯开着，风扇一晃一晃间着黄色的影子。

我突然想快点回到家门口。

Sigh.

I suddenly do not know if this is fair to me. I have lost my faith.

Being critized so heavily for what a mistake due to inexperience, i can only say that is not what i expect from you as a person whom i know so well. and it wasn't a one off incident in so many years. it happened twice in the past 3 weeks.

To be frank, those are things that i would listen and carefully adopt if necessary, even if you tell it on my face. But you don't have to make it sounds like i have just made a mistake that you need to lost your job. because i do not think i deserved such critiques for a line i wrote in an email to a sales person, and the alignment in the first draft only for self-reference purposes.

These are things we learn by experience, who the hell know how to write a decent email before writing for many times? who the hell know how to align the figure the first time? and it is only my own draft! even that is the format you will see later, it is just a minor adjustment.

you don't have to make a big fuss.

I suddenly wonder what's your thought if one day you can't win an argument in an encounter with valid evidence. Maybe you can't out-rule or dismiss the proof that is so undisputable, i was just wondering, just wondering, what's in your mind when you know you are forced to swallow your own word.

I don't know what is in your mind. I only know what i have lost.

I have no interest to make someone regret to grow me up, but i hope if ever there is an argument, i hope i am being convinced, not forced to accept. Through out the years, I've proven I possess the ability and the gut to take critiques, that is exactly why you see i'm getting better, getting so better that you will now need a bigger heart and character to accept i've outgrown the place in certain areas.

Yet you dun need to pick up my inexperience minute mistake and tell me i'm not as competent.

My best strength is obviously not my confident, it is the ability to measure my own strength accurately.

Depression

It was such a lengthy period i have had. And, still it was left to myself to pull it through, with some mental assist from someone else. How i wish i could do better than that.

Stuck in depression was certainly a haunting experience.

When one was so weak and fragile, it is very easy to be influenced, affected or ill-advised.

无聊排行榜

在巴士上看见一个国小生，肥肥的，背个四方大书包，看得出那件烫好的校衣两下就变咸菜，就很容易被老师盯上那类。他靠窗，拼命在呵气玩，呵了窗上就有蒸气，稍把头俯下，用鼻子擦掉蒸气。一直重复，旁若无人，独自乐融融。还会用鼻子写字或画些图案什么的，或呵大气来扩大鼻子的可发挥面积。甚至和蒸气面消失的速度比赛，看先画完或蒸气先消失。无聊顶透，幼稚极了。

觉得很肮脏的同时忍不住想笑，还没决定好要不要皱眉头，就发觉原来自己早已失去享受无聊的能力。

很久很久以前，会有很多很多无聊的念头，无论何时何地，创意源源不绝，有东西有人的地方就有花招。而且，人多就会有原动力去开发新点子，如果人家买你账还会让你的社会地位节节上升，以后有好东西人家就会想叫你。现在看来，以前的我(们)比巴士小胖幸福得多，有很多玩伴，不用一个人自己玩。

小时候被管得很严，在家要读书做功课，不可吵闹等等。一大堆表哥表弟表姐表妹都被舅舅舅母们送过来，一起读书。现在看来我觉得那是最最最烂的安排。七个小毛头，只需要一个大鬼头就可以变身，欠缺的只是一个月圆之夜。一到大人有事出门，最好是宴会，那么在那几个小时之间肯定有事情发生。大鬼头会先提议，然后一起发作，没有人会再想起现在几点。

先是搬开家私制造空间，把所有沙发丢在一起形成一个沙发海，玩跳水。比赛谁可以从最高跳下。玩了一下，大家会觉得有点单调，有人就会开始捉住人来摔跤。通常一个弱的会被先干，然后大鬼头就会很顺理成张地站出来分派，平均一下力量。然后又很顺理成张地在几秒间安排好比赛对阵表，谁先谁后，然后开始比赛。到了中途会有人犯规，裁判会维护赛会地位，伸张正义。而这个裁判员通常也是大鬼头。中间还会不停加入点子，比如关灯玩，或可以接力，或实力悬殊的强方要被约束只用左手等等。

小学进了学校就认识朋友。那时流行四大天王，还有很多流行曲。有人就会开始抄歌词，到了最后出现一本歌簿，还奉上作曲填词编曲资料。班上的人会很团结地沉迷，传来传去，歌簿翻到烂，而且只能让字体漂亮的人抄。到后来一到有空就围着一起唱，从最新的唱回头，会有热门或必唱的，每个人都爱。

上了中学，校服有名字。是个name tag。不同年纪就不同颜色，后面有扣针，用来扣在校服左边口袋上方。扣那个name tag是一件很麻烦的事，不带还会被学长抄名。就不知道谁先开始，大家以脱掉别人的name tag为乐，还要神不知鬼不觉。通常先假假讲话转移注意力，然后一招鬼影神偷单手除name tag。鬼影神偷很难练，要不重不轻把name tag压在那个人的胸，以比爱抚重一点，比胸袭轻很多的力道，一个‘上-下-横’的动作，要一连串一气呵成，‘上’用力下‘放松’，扣针就打开，name tag就随着那个‘横’的动作被除下来了。摸胸的动作要很自然，不可唐突；若‘横’的动作没练好的话，不但夺不下name tag，扣针还会开着‘挂’在那家伙的胸前。随便一动就会被扎。

后来还流行扯出校服。学校规定校服都要塞好，可是就有人会扯出你的衣服，前后左右都有可能，防不胜防。迅速的轻轻一拉，校服就跑出来了。快快塞好前面，后面来了。塞好后面，前面又来袭击。就这样，可以玩上好几个月，天天上学在一级警报状态。然后还喜欢踢后脚，跟在后面随着前人脚步，就在前面的人后脚抬起的杀那，向内踢。如果后脚是左脚就会踢到他自己的右脚， 不然则反之。就没有人要走前面，到后来会变成一列平行，没人要走前面也没人抢到后面。

Dirian lompat jauh 是体育节考试用的，就是双脚齐列，稍微张开，在没有助跑的情况下纯粹以脚力向前跳，看可以跳多远。那时二米是个Bench Mark, 大家跳上瘾，在课室内每换节就有比赛。还会用粉笔画下，量有多远，有记录有排名，超级无敌有规划管理。我还记得清清楚楚那个纪录保持人是谁，当年以二点六二米傲视群雄。排徊在二点三以下，我很快就放弃Dirian lompat jauh了。原地跳厌了，跳楼梯。一样的Dirian lompat jauh， 这次还要向上跳。三到四个梯级是什么人都可以的，到了五个就有点需要脚力，六级就要加多一点点腰力。而Bench Mark，在七个梯级。除了脚力和腰力要够强，最重要的是勇气。七级其实就及胸了，如果跳失败，你的膝盖连下面那条腿骨就会狠狠地撞在石灰梯级上，搞不好会骨折，让人大笑三个月。没有多少个能跳七个，敢跳的更少。不好意思，我是其中一个。

我们也有斯文的。那时吃饱没事做，就把名字连在住处一起，到处帮人家取名。那时有白兰Thong(白兰园)，太平心(Jalan Chung Thye Pin)，乒乓Kei(乒乓花园), 大街Loong(怡保大街), 卫星蚊(卫星市), 巴占祥(巴占)，昆仑B(昆仑喇叭)等等，等等。当然，你要会广东话。。。

有够无聊吧。

同心而离居，忧伤以终老

在一个和低落心情角力的晚上，漫无目的地阅读网上的文章。

再说一次(<-- 可以按)，我因喜欢分享生活经验而习惯了阅读别人的部落格。

而偏偏，就在这时，我突然很难过。阅读别人的部落格，只是我单方面不停地吸收，根本谈不上什么分享。而我自己的部落格，从一开始就没有闲杂人等，只有亲密的朋友。我其实非常不想告诉你，我是一个会寂寞却不甘懦弱的人。

我很讨厌告诉别人我很闷，要不要去旅行；也会在很需要一双耳朵的时候，却倒头大睡。

那个"同心而离居，忧伤以终老"，上一句是还顾望旧乡，长路漫浩浩。说的是游子离乡，想回家而不得。却同时重叠式地将女子想念丈夫之情寄于其中。是一首含蓄的婉曲，比较女人，隐藏着文字无法说明的意韵。

我突然明白为什么人会读到感动的文章。通常是那些把话说到你心坎里的，而你自己花了几百年依旧整理不出个头绪那种。你读到一个情绪出口，于是，郁积在心里的情绪突然有了渲泄的管道，一下子释放出来。如果心里的管道不够大条，就会涨到从眼睛溢出来。

因为我读到-"说实话我已经不相信了，这话听起来太像安慰了"。

在这里(<-- 可以按)，是我自己的寻人启事。十九个月前写的，有点天真。因为沉溺在J的事情里。原来，时间还过得真快。却想起一首歌叫’对的人‘。

爱虽然很美妙却不能为了寂寞又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待 仔细寻找 感觉很重要
宁可空白了手 等候一次 真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上
一定会遇到对的人出现在眼角

我身边女人不少，却总是什么也没发生。我也无法为了寂寞又陷入泥沼，因为我不甘懦弱的同时，并无法爱上陌生人。

在这里 (<-- 可以按)也许你有一些共鸣，或曾经有过。你可以毫不介意毫不犹豫毫不留情地对号入座，因为那都不是罪过。

说得真好，我也希望能早点被通知。

It is at Jurong East

Yah i just moved house. before i start let's see what's Jamie Yeo said.



"Moving is stressful. So VERY stressful..... packing and unpacking, getting rid of the old furniture... have all but rendered me thoroughly exhausted. But the worst is over. And I'm now settling nicely into the new place.....Sentiments have no place when one is relocating. It takes a hardened heart to throw away old trinkets, keepsakes, moldy love letters, old high school grade slips, etc....I think memories make us who we are. They form the very essence of our lives and guide us towards our future chapters..... That's what life is all about, isn't it? Living... learning....loving.... experiencing... laughing...crying....and remembering"

Read the original article here.

Jamie Yeo is an Arsenal fan who host Nokia FootballCrazy in ESPN Star Sports. yeah, a sweetie pie who supports Arsenal.

In many ways, her thought smells familiar to me, maybe I buy her idea that's why. But certainly not because she is sweet, I swear, unless she is a Man Utd fan. =)

I thought i was quite tough when relocating. I throw things away ruthlessly, that's why I have little stuff to move around even this is the 5th year i am in Singapore. Over the past 5 years I didn't seem to accumulate things. Because I clear up my things, i mean, CLEAR UP.

But when comes to memories, I am the one that can never forget minute details when it registered in my mind. Read across the old entries you'll realized I'm an animal that feed on memory in order to live. But it was a brutal version of Jamie Yeo's quote.

I am glad I have enough memories to move on. The Block 299 old house is a place where I spent my time worth remembering. Not sure if i will sentimental enough to keep that place in mind for years to come, but the house I am staying now will probably be another part of my story.

One things i learn from past experience was, memories are meant to be the strength and reason to move on, instead of a mental barrier to overcome before we open our heart to new memory.

We don't need to forget, "life is about remembering", remember?

N/A

I am tired, exhausted and burnt.

Blank mind. Not happy.

Not sad either. just, "--less", means nothing or empty.

No time to enjoy the new place. no mood. no energy too. means nothing or empty.

Nil and without anything.

I moved into new house; I was stuck in the midst of unfinished tasks; I was threaten by foreign workers; I was give in to argue something I was right; I was tied up by all the chores; I was accumulating dissatisfaction in lab.

I feel empty. I feel nothing. Don't even remember I have gone through everything that happened.

Literally, I have no mental preparation and mood for anything and everything. An auto-mode from 0830 to 0030.

Give me a break.

月红日。姨妈至也。

汉末，有女名佳，年方二八，自幼父母双亡，承欢姨娘。日久，媒事渐多，女独喜李郎。

李生多情，私会家中。几要亲近，忽闻屐声。佳曰：姨妈至。李生藏。

甘露后，李生纳媒，佳入李门。洞房之时，李郎宽衣拔蜡，欲行云雨。佳逢月红，羞言，曰：姨妈至。李郎顿悟，停房事。

至此，李佳氏（例假时）月红日，惯曰：姨妈至。

*******************************************************************************

好好，这是来翻译的。

汉朝末期，有个姑娘叫佳儿，二十八岁，从小父母双亡，跟姨妈住。后来，慢慢地上门提亲的多了，可是佳儿只喜欢一个姓李的男生。

李生很咸湿，偷偷在佳儿家中幽会。有次想要缠绵，突然听到鞋子走来的声音。佳儿就说，是姨妈来。李生就藏起来。

不久，李生提亲，佳儿嫁入李门。要洞房的时候，李老公脱光光想要。佳儿刚好月经，羞答答地说，姨妈来。李生顿时明白，不再索求。

到了今天，李佳氏月经时都叫着，姨妈来了。

Chronic Inflammation

If you don't know what is chronic inflammation, in Chinese layman term it's called 慢性发炎.

Chronic = 慢性
Inflammation = 发炎

Inflammation is a general symptom that our body response to injury, irritation or infection. The inflammation is a body auto-response that is supposed to help you recover from injury, irritation or infection. Besides the above chronic inflammation, there is another kind called acute inflammation, 急性发炎.

Acute = 急性

you heard 急性盲肠炎 before right? Acute Appendicitis. Literally it is an acute (急性) inflammation (炎) of the appendices (盲肠). 盲肠急性发炎. Since is is so 急, that's why the patient cannot wait, must operation fast to take out the inflamed appendices. if it is chronic appendicitis, as we know it is that 慢, that's why you heard some people said they last for few weeks/months before they have operation.

盲肠发炎 is inflammation of appendices; if inflammation happened in another part of body, eg 关节(发)炎 is arthritis (inflammation of joint), 肝(发)炎 is Hepatitis (inflammation of liver) etc etc.

So today we learn 6 new words. Acute(急性), chronic(慢性), inflammation(炎), appendicitis(盲肠炎), arthritis(关节炎)and Hepatitis(肝炎).

Actually I am not here to talk about what I'd just said.

I just wanted to tell you I'd just argued fiercely with my boss that where is the direction of my on-going publication write up should head to. yah, i am writing a scientific paper, and forever writing it. never get done.

why i can't see the end? because all researcher are greedy and patience enough to accumulate enough data before publish it, in order to make a greater impact. just like you have a blockbuster movie in the progress, but you don't leak it out the moment you shoot the first scene. you wait for it to complete and launch it in style and fashion with a well made trailer, so that ppl will want to watch your real movie.

But sometimes there is a line to draw. you don't want to shoot the movie 2046 until the year 2046. you have to close it even if you think it is imperfect. you learn it and you make a better movie next time. unless you are simply enjoy the making process and no pressure to deliver.

i have pressure to deliver, and i know yc has too. maybe she is more ambitious and patience. and i guess she is aiming a better first publication from me.

Sigh, i can never imagine i could talked like that to yc. I am getting frustrated by the "keep-including-new-data" cycle. My mind has never rested and settled regardless how many days of break I have had in the CNY.

I have been pushing myself to finish the lab work so that i can sit down and write the paper for my post-graduate enrollment program. and now I've missed 2 intake since the day i decided to do master/PhD. simply because i cannot get the paper out in time.

So what is this going to do with the inflammation?

How I wish it is just acute inflammation. I am just here to tell you I am developing this stupid chronic inflammation mentally. If you don't know, usually acute inflammation doesn't kill, and easy to treat. Panadol will cure it most of the time.

But chronic inflammation kills.

And if you still cannot imagine, Tuberculosis is one of them.

Don't know what is Tuberculosis? then you learn the 7th word today.

TB or 肺结核.

Still catch no ball? cancer, heart attack, stroke.

Opps, you learn 10 words today.

踏步前行

生活还未细细品茗，又要踏步前行了。

有人在中学毕业时对我说，还写在纪念册里。这种话那时听了觉得很老，年纪小小就深诣人生，象是追求梦想而无可奈何的别离。那个年代少年老成总是比较吃香。

现在这道理怎么看都不对，就是少年不知愁滋味强说愁。不停地前行，不停地前行。一次又一次地浅尝着深切的生活，蜻蜓点水般过日子，到底什么才是真正的生活啊? 前行终究不是生活的目的嘛。如果前进是人生在世的唯一目的，那会象王家卫电影里那只没有脚的鸟，永远只能自由地飞翔，不停地飞。有一天它着陆了，因为它死掉了。

几天前在看台湾节目，有个主持叫徐乃麟，说，摄影棚站久了，就是你的。说得真合我胃口，好不好则另当别论。没什么速成的，就脚踏实地地干，刻苦耐劳，谦虚谨慎......听起来好悲哀，其实我好想不劳而获。我很懒惰，天天用什么激励话来维持活力未免太假。小鸟本来就是要飞的，有没有脚都一样。如果天天还要自我鞭策般让翅膀挥动，我就会开始怀疑其实我并不是鸟。而分别就是在有飞行目的地和漫无目的罢了。

前不前行其实和不劳而获有一点关系，通常不劳不获才会想拼命前行，希望行到一片黄金遍地的乐土。好了，修成正果了，眼前全是白花花的银子和黄澄澄的金子。你现在很成功了，整个摄影棚是你的了，回头一看。他妈的，人老朱黄不说，由于不顾一切勇往直前，一路上有点万骨枯的景像，通常还失去最重要的东西。那时就会很唏嘘地唱赵传的我终于失去了你。

生活真是充满疾苦呢。是不是应该细细品茗，才会苦尽甘来?

Money in the balance

This is the day when I felt the impact of money.

I am someone who always thinks that money is just money and what is enough is enough. You live at your own means as long as financially allowed, because you spent at the manner of how much you earn. If you can’t finish off 1 million dollars, 1 billions dollars is meaningless. It’s just a number.

I’ve grown up without experienced the prowess of money. I have never seen the money in front of my eyes created any magical moment as long as I can remember. Maybe there is not much money to begin with. In fact, the greatest moment in my memory was the day I suddenly notice the amount of dishes on the dinning table was directly proportional to the financial status at home.

Then I learned the importance of money. But importance is not exactly prowess.

I was in a rare mood of calculating my financial token. And I found myself was heavily associated with liabilities. And this is the time I hate myself having “financial freedom” as the only word surface in my mind which abused by way too many MLM and insurance companies. I thought I was over-fuelled with pride to distant myself with them.

The direct influence would be from ej and jiun who are getting married very soon. The more they shared with me the more I see my financial fragility. It would be just nice as how I live now, but a greater financial commitment would certainly threaten.

Certain expected and unexpected incidents (that needs money) really annoyed me. The frustration is accumulating until I have a moment of detestation. I hate my brother doesn’t study hard enough to ease the financial pressure; I hate my father who has no plan for everything, I hate my mum for earning too little, and I hate myself for not done enough to earn. Sometimes I feel like a crying baby who is too helpless to do anything except whining and complaining. I even hate myself not being a son of Bill Gates.

But as soon as I thought of vs and her family, I laughed at myself for being too weak; even I have self-claimed a person with provider instinct.
Anyhow, I’ve seen my parents struggle with money, and out-wrested most of the time by the reality. With three children waiting for meals everyday surely doesn’t help at all. I always wonder how my parents “dare” to have three kids with such financial condition. I told my mum you are so brave. What I didn’t tell her was it was a poor decision.

I thought education is the best way to escape from poverty. So I make sure I graduate and find a decent job. Then I am constantly in search of a balance between money and satisfaction in the job. Yet sometimes you just have to swallow the fact that it is not about how much you can learn but it is how much you can earn. With growing financial commitment in all area, be it obligated or not, it is starting to haunt me. There is growing in fear that I can’t cope with it, especially in the near future. Every time I work my ass off and see I am the only one working hard to lead the progress and deliver the most in the lab, I feel like an idiot. Idiot that think of this is for the good of me so don’t bother.

But this is the time I need more motivation practically, not spiritually. For someone like me who has no 13 months bonus, no performance bonus, not covered by steady salary increment scheme, the only thing left is 28 days annual leave that I will never able to use up.

I work with pride and practice with professionalism, I know I deserved better treatment. Or at least, I am not working without knowing my price. You pay peanut for monkey, not the qualities I possess.

I hope I have sent my delicate message that mixed with personal request and expectation clearly.

Sigh, it’s just one of the many chores that are bothering.

选择

又来一次选择。

一定是太多选择了，不知道要选什么(谁)。

昨天我突然地被期待。其实是突然发觉被期待，然后深深地感觉到生命的重量。幸亏不是那种生命中所无法承受的轻，还有一点点可以辜负的空间。可是，期望看来还会跟随一段日子。很多很多的日子加在一起就会变成生活。

我不停地问自己想要这样子的生活么?

我想起以前在中学，有很多好朋友。一天大家谈起将来，我说我要成为一个画家。结果那天我被围，怕得要命。我自辩说宁可选择名留青史般死后留名，也不要庸庸碌碌当凡人。就算生前潦倒一生，死后被卖名字赚死人钱也无所不惜。反正就一副为进入历史不择手段的样子。

看看这个地方，以前就叫平凡。现在还是。只是主人家在更久以前还大言不惭地说要不平凡。

真是孩子话。

那时身无一技之长，只看颜色和线条有点天赋。现在想起来，有美术天份恐怕还是自封的多。还好，虽然不自觉，我的天赋其实是耐性和毅力。到了现在，拜真天赋所赐，假本领变得有点真，渐渐地大概就剩下我一个还在涂颜色。其它人全放弃了。我不是被选上的那一个，也不是最有天资的一个，却走到最后。

只剩下自己，孤单一个人。

我的工作和上面提到的，完全没有关系。有一段很长的时间，我在跟自己讲要努力爱上选上的。只要待得够久，就会看见值得等待的东西。有点久了，还没看到什么，却领会到在这个完全没有关系的领域里，我也是一个人。根本就没有不同。现在我在做学问，搞科技，谈艺术。能够做的事情好象多了，若现在要选择的话，老实说，我没什么自信选对。

或者根本就相由心生，非关对错。心里觉得怎样，行动就会潜地里默默配合，然后天天跟自己讲同样的话来自我催眠，‘待得够久，就会看见值得等待的’。然后可以和人分享说梦想成真的话。原来只要相信便看见，古人是这么说的。

以前社会简单，人们没什么选择的机会，只能默默承受即有的一切。有人过得好，有的人过得不好。唯一不同的是那时人们尊重选择的机会，因为难得啊。现在什么都有的选，事业，女人，房子，车子，书包，手机，到哪家航空公司，哪家银行，同一家银行的哪家分行，甚至排队盖印都要选又快又短的。现在还要研发科技生(选)个又高又帅又能跑又会游又班赖弹钢琴利害读书的儿子。

有的选比没的选好。那是贪婪。其实你根本不想要。你要的纯粹是那选择的权利。

权力。权利。权利，就是权力。

一个不知道自己想要什么的人，在过剩的选择前面，恰好选择不了。不如没得选。

忧柔寡断的错过，鲁莽的选错，意志力弱的被诱惑。还选什么。不如没得选，大家心没那么野。

心相约

无论看几遍H2都那么教人动容。其实就不过围绕在四个人身上，把故事讲了高中三年。能够成为最畅销漫画的元素，都彻底地具备了。

看看附图就猜到故事情节。二男二女，投手和强打者，你猜是怎样的故事，就是怎样了。









电视版本等了几年，现在看到了。然后再看了一次。无论看几次，我还是会动容。这种动容很私人，象用显微镜看到远远的流星，只可意会不可言传。硬要言传就会变成你现在看到的那样。那是它好看的地方，如果你有用心看的话。用心。

心情有点低落，想用来转换心情。看了变本加厉，实非明智之选。心力交瘁还看就是无薪加班，累啊。没有能够让心情沉淀的容量时，最好还是等等再看。

后来我买了一本书，鲁豫 心相约。真是好看。原来我很喜欢听别人的故事。成长的，旅游的，生活的，惊险的，都可以。难怪养成读别人布落格的习惯。难怪我都爱看真实的故事，难怪都不断地和人分享经历。



没有倾城的样貌，却有着满身的光华，真是个亮丽的女人。

她是凤凰卫视五个元老级之一的主持，跟许戈辉和窦文涛一样。有名的鲁豫有约，凤凰早班车都是她的。最让我觉得亲切的是，她也是个三毛迷。总觉得会喜欢三毛的人，大概都有点怪。或自闭。再不就是喜欢标新立异，造作地爱上非主流。哈哈哈。

她说，我知道，该是梦想照进现实的时候了。

于是，我突然不再心情低落。

如愿以偿

人生不如意十之八九。

以前总是觉得怀才不遇，总是庸庸碌碌地生活，总是做违背自己意愿的事情。长年累月下来总是觉得没什么好事情发生。回忆里挫折的部份不一定最多，却总是最深刻。

就这样，我用了五个总是。

从前爱埋怨时不予我，一丁点挫败就异常委屈，总是想为什么别人总是那么顺利，而自己总是走得战战兢兢，路上崎岖，一波三折。

现在过得又不怎么样，偶尔遇上一些好事，就开心老半天。突然发觉习惯了挫折，好象受挫是最平常不过的事情，一旦发生好事，就高兴得不得了。那是为了如愿以偿而开怀大笑的吧。相较之下，从前天真，因事与愿违而难过；现在历经事故而变得坦然和豁达，小小事情如愿已经高兴得落泪。

那是看见如愿以偿的可贵。人生在世，有多少事情都能如愿。所以人生不如意之事才会十之八九。

我最近总是没劲。今天很想骂人，很想大声讲话，很想呐喊，然后拿起背包早早收工。

完全没有长假回来的爆发力。心情低落，不知道为什么。

转换一下心情。

那是我最喜欢的漫画。

两个女人

前几天和世君吃KFC。

那是个周日，其他人都不在，只有世君和我在家。才早上十一点多，问要去那里吃午饭。我说我有presentation稿要准备，随便附近吧。她说想吃KFC。我就说好，KFC就KFC。

我们慢慢地走，然后她会很习惯性地讲很多东西。通常是"你知不知道..."，或"我有没有和你讲..."来开场讲一些很平常的东西，象她会到那间学校教书，学生很难教，现在房屋很难找，表哥免费当中介之类。都是一些比柴米油盐好一点的东西。不是你和老公或老婆会讲的东西，而是和家人讲的那种。讲到一半，我打断她说提醒我买洗衣粉和提钱。讲完又继续她的话。

慢慢到了KFC。 她说想吃KFC的popcorn，点菜时犹豫了一下，最后没叫。我知道她蛮想吃，又怕吃不完，因为其实只想尝尝一两块。我就说我叫，公司吃。坐下吃了没多久，她问我多久没有回马六甲。既然提到，我就一大篇故事讲。她也静静地听，偶而插上一两句，或讲些什么有的没的。我没有很刻意隐瞒些什么，都是很自然地，象讲给家人听一样。

我在听的时候，和在讲的时候，都同样窝心。很幸福的感觉。

**************************************************************************

再前阵子和cm吃KFC。在同一间吃。

那天是圣诞节。我的圣诞晚餐是和cm一起吃的。那时文心打电话来问我吃晚餐没，我听到电话另一头开心的声音，知道她和yy一起刚唱完K，转头看见cm在读书，又不象会出去拍拖吃晚饭的样子，我说，我和朋友吃，不去了。

也是慢慢地走去KFC。我和她说些工作上的事情，跟她讲一些不开心的事，或讲人家什么坏话。再不然就跟她闲话家常的胡扯，然后两个人笑成一团。我们两个人都很饿，一共吃了六块鸡，和两份乳酪薯条，一些加点的什么和汽水。然后两人又乱七八糟讲些废话，慢慢走回家。

本来很长的路，突然变得很短。

昨天刚完了presentation，一直沉溺在被误会是博士生的心情里，整个晚上得意忘形。很想炫耀，又怕人家讲傲慢和目中无人。于是一回到家，进去cm的房间坐下讲话。cm大概是kayu之外，能够听懂我工作有关一半以上，又能有共鸣的。所以能够忍受我骄傲自满吧。一开了话头就停不了。连怎样present都可以讲得很好笑。然后商量以后搬家要怎样之类。然后又给我看她以前A Level 的成绩单。那种看了很气的那种, 就是连S Paper 也A那种。她说其实是要给我看上面竟然会有她的华文名。我说好厉害，我的PMR华文也有A， 全校还不到十个。不过其实是要让你知道我的学校华文是必考科。。。

我在和她讲话，或听她炫耀，都同样窝心。很幸福的感觉

**************************************************************************

这是我家的两个女人。

我不知道还能和她们同在屋檐下多久，我只知道，我要好好过每一天。

I swear I love you.

I came across the article from a blogger called Michael Beckman, circulated by haen vee. and this is the 2nd time i read it after the article released back in november last year.

click here and here to read the original articles.

Actually this is nothing much more than losing my tantrum. frankly, i seldom share my political view publicly if you are not willing to listen in the first place.

I have no intention to hard sell how superior is this neighbouring island compare to the mainland besides. everytime the taxi driver complaint about how our(their) leader making comment on each other at any issue that can be quarrel, i feel like a kid listening to the aunty next door say how my mum bully her. and just because i stay with the aunty next door, i was accused of not loving my mum anymore, and being treated more like a visitor than a brother by my siblings every time i go home. and always been seen as just a matter of time before i call another women "mum".

i run away from home because i am looking for a better life, not because of i dislike my mum. if ever there is any valid accusation, it is i love myself more than my mum. and everytime the brothers at home complain about how difficult is their life, there is no solution offered to themselves and to the nation as well, besides feeding their hard earn money into the pocket of the traffic police, and sent the astronaut to make teh tarik in the space. i am sorry i couldn't find a solution for the nation, i can only solve for myself, so i leave for a better place in relative. then i wonder if the choice to stay is decided, why my brothers still want to complain, while on the other hand looking at their brothers stay away from home as "betrayer", if this is too heavy for a word to used. i am not even sure if my brother understand there is a word closer to the fact called "refugee".

Generalize going abroad as do-not-love-your-mum is simply disorientated. it distracted the attention from the reasons of the departure of the kid, to a threatening question: love mum or leave mum. it seems like regardless what's the reason, you do not love your mum anymore as long as you leave, you have to stay in order to show your love. the reason behind have not been addressed properly, or unable to address in the first place. in truth, it is not an issue our brother would like to entertain because it certainly not sth they can change even they try their best. 200 overseas m'sian professionals invited to come back to serve their nation, and none of them stay. by saying the currency or money speaks is just getting the issue too easy and under estimate your own elite away from home. it is the condusive environment and correct culture that matters if you still do not understand now.

Everytime i look at the number of malaysian contribute to the island instead of their own soil, i wonder how much we can achieve if we diverted all this effort into msia. before i figure out the exact progress in equivalent, i figure out how much energy we lost in the process to reach our target. i admit i am severely lack of confidence in our own country, but i just don't want to say "boleh" everytime even when i am self-psycho-ing. i am just feeling frustrated as chinese proverb say 恨铁不成钢.....maybe "激心" is the better word...if you know how to speak cantonese.

i have never like singapore because i never feel like at home. but this is the best option within my reach. so i decided to trade "creativity and freedom" with "justice and integrity" at the expense of "home". there is no right for myself to complain about how ppl's kitchen should looks like because the decision made have accounted for every shortcoming in the package. however, everytime i went home and all i heard is bad news. ....is just too much, i have no energy even listen to them. say i am trying to avoid the problem, say i am putting self-comfort in priority. i wish i am deaf to all the news i heard. i wish i could hear sth motivating and encouraging everytime i go home, not some NGO find out how the government have sign an unfair agreement regarding toll fees, not some minister was found guilty for building expensive house without submitting the plan, not a pathetic RM200 for the banjir victim. A genuine good news is certainly not when you see bad guys kena punished, even it maybe, maybe a beginning for a real good news.

i am concern. i am just helpless.

i do not want to speak for every single msian because most likely there are really ppl who has not feel anything about msia even it disappear one day. but i guess there is always a bunch of msian, not only in singapore, who care about how's the atmosphere and weather in msia from time to time. why care? so that we know if it has become a better place to stay. so when it is time to come back, we would like to stay in our home. opportunistic? if you buy this school of thought i have nothing to say. I just don't want our next generation grown up in a place where i have to teach them how to differentiate a real police instead of going for them when you got rob.

tell me i am naive, but i swear i love you, malaysia.

To you

I know you are not reading this because i didn't tell you i have a blog.

I do not know the reason why you broke up with him because you didn't tell me either.

A relationship of 5 years isn't by chance or coincidence, it must be such a hard fact to take on.

For once I suddenly wanted to call you just to know you are fine even though I have never done so before.

Regardless what's the reason, i hope you do appreciate and grateful for the time you spent together with him, as i still want to say again, 5 years is no by chance. it is part of the life and will be part of the life you have live on.

be happy.

wish you good.

单身

单身，就是一个人。就是你现在想的那个意思。

不过它比很多电影或驾驶规格还要严，就象你从来不说那十岁小毛头单身。十八岁也不可以。到了可以投票给反对党的年龄，都还不够格。对了，就是你现在想的那个年龄。

到了某个时候，单身就是没结婚了。跟有没有爱情是不相干的，想是当时爱情和婚姻可以划上等号的年代，单身恐怕也是同一个年头诞生。连填英文表格都只有 Single或married而没有in a relationship. 只有friendster有。看，这个世代看事情和前辈有点分别吧。

婚姻以前不一定是一种选择，现在是。可是到了现在单身仍未必是一种选择。简单说，想单身的可以不结婚，不想单身的可不一定有婚结。

单身是一种生活技能吧，要学习的。虽然出路不止一个，可是还是会听到说，那老了怎么办。那是想要逃课所以结婚吧。理由确是很荒谬，不过正反映出每一个单身和结了婚的人，心中的忧虑，也都害怕孤单和寂寞。那种生活技能学来干嘛，实在不是什么值得骄傲的才华。

我说，有空还是学学好，有技能的单身是投资，没技能的单身是想投机，结果早注定了的。

给所有单身的朋友，没人爱的话，就爱自己罢了。虽然渴望被爱而不得，都只是遇不上罢了。非关优劣。当仅仅走着狗屎运看吧。

选择

今天在准备明天要重复的一个试验。上次失败，干等了两个星期。我在想我会有多少两个星期来付每一次的失败。

试验好象很浪费青春。我一边干活一边想，手不停脑也没闲着。想，没有包成功的方程式，太不划算了，青春有限哪。

这时脑海闪过我的一路走来。

我想起很多事情。而且，最近我的记忆力变得超好，专门不忘记一些芝麻绿豆的小事。对，就象女人翻旧账一样可怖(恶)。因此，我想起了更多的事情。

比如锦兰第一次载我去万里望爬山时车上播着的是张学友的纽约的司机驾着北京的梦。

比如看流星雨时阿冰在唱王菲的红豆。

比如我在B-8-3看见一张折半朱红色卡片写着张学友的真情流露歌词 "我缺点胜别人 你却费尽心神 把我留起"。

象这种类型程度的回忆。

若有更多的刺激，我会想起更多事情。而那种刺激，多半是歌曲或歌词。因为我现在正听着曾淑勤的鲁冰花。另外象气味或者声音，一些时间胶囊般的东西也会。

试验可以重来，人生不可以。无论有着怎样的过去，尽管唏嘘与惆怅，人生终究无法再来一次。错过或者把握，都只是人生的一部份，是个选择的后果。如果你无法 选择过怎样的人生，你可以选择怎样过即有的人生。虽然我不后悔是因为不想去后悔，而有太多事情就算几千个两个星期，也是付不起的。

谢谢回忆。我要说别了。

别再见了。

写到这里，突然发觉选择英文叫C-H-O-I-C-E。

如有雷同纯属巧合。