天使

我以为，天使有轻微自虐倾向。

对一个女孩很好是因为喜欢她，却完全没有要她喜欢自己而去对她很好的企图。然后还可以象个悲剧英雄般对一个不再爱你的人说，以后无论什么时候，只要一个电话，我会马上出现在你面前。他是伤心时才找的，快乐时是用来忘记的。

听起来是女人的福气。比朋友甜蜜，却不用象对男朋友付出那么多，谁不想要一个这样的守护天使。不要也只是因为良心发现，所以还没发现时最好听内心的。

天使默默付出，女人静静接受。象愿打和愿挨的道理一样，我又没有用枪指着你的头迫你，只是如果有被枪指着头的话会比较容易隐藏天使的身份罢了。

不计付出的奉献，听起来很伟大，也很笨。只是我不会看不起笨天使，因为如果可以选的话，谁要做天使。不苟同不代表不了解，只是有很多人没吃过爱情的苦，认为那时自找的。那是有钱人笑穷人饿死是不去买饭吃。真是大有道理呢。一定是没听见不苟同不代表不了解。你是不了解才不苟同，混球。

爱是黑洞，填也填不满。有一天你发觉失去天使的翅膀时，发现已经没有多余的爱可以奉献。已被掏空的心，倾尽了所有的一切，再无余力去爱。那时，你拖着疲惫的身躯，却只能看见一片苍凉。天使的下场都是一样凄凉的。

如果，你是一个天使，我是来告诉你天使的代价，当作圣诞礼物。

圣诞节快乐。

Satisfaction

The moment I look at (think of) the outstanding tasks yet to be done, I feel such a massive weight behind my head, all the time. when i wake up, when i go for lunch, when i sit on the toilet bowl. The only time i have not think of it may be when i was under general anaesthesia in the surgery.

And there is not much i can do now because things are not ready. not because I am not ready. this is exactly like a soccer player so eager going back to the pitch but the fractured forth metatarsal is not recovered yet. i say, waiting is the best way for the stress to build up.

I sit in front of the pc for 7 hours today. just to screen and read all the papers I need to (have to) cite, which is thing i hate to do the most.....because reading scientific reports is a very dry and brain intensive process. it exhausts brain stamina, tiring. maciam play 200 mnutes soccer match full pitch with 10 vs 11. and i can never understand why scientists like to use difficult descriptions when there is easier and reader-friendly way of expression. maybe by the time i am about to finish my paper or the reviewer reject for the 3rd time, i would understand.

so by 7pm today, i finished 50Mb of reports in pdf.

I am so satisfied.

This is incredible. and i think what's enough is enough. This would be the only time for a 7 hours sci-reading-streak.

because i have blur vision and guess it wouldn't go away until i wake up tml.

悠长假期

今天是长假最后一天。

打从上星期三动手术开始，躲在家里呆了三天。有世君在，还可以讲讲话，然后他有很多东西做的，那种家庭主妇爱做的事。去什么地方买东西啊，或把沙发套拿去洗之类。反正我闲着，也就乐得帮忙，然后学煮粥给自己吃。

结果现在很厉害煮粥。敢吃就来。

周末简直是在发飙，象很久没放纵那种。下午玩百万富翁，晚上去看戏，宵夜时就破戒吃东西了，回到家还可以继续看曼联。星期天在Vivocity从早到晚逛了一天，回到家已经晚上，然后看死亡笔记漫画。象梦游一样过完两天。

昨 天拆线后上街去，走到MPH书局看见汉英字典，想起文心，就打了电话给他。再走一下，我看见一出叫Mirmo Zibang的动画，一出妙君想要看很久却又找不到的。那边全十四集，缺第六。问店主，说乌节路的店有第六。我想了想，拿了1-5，然后一口气就付钱了。 回到家静一静时，心里其实有一点点后悔，又不是什么特别的人，竟然还那么慷慨，真的不便宜呢。而且，那是他三，四年前叫我们随便一个有BT的帮他下载。那 时听都没听过那动画，我看Naruto的嘛。一下就没放在心上了，反正又不是我的女朋友。然后有点庆幸，还好14缺6。要不，我八成全买了。

然后我打了一个电话给妙君。
我说，有空吗。
她说，约我什么事，有东西给我啊。妈的。好大的自信。原来他随口猜什么都会中，难怪。
我只好说要给你圣诞礼物。
他问是什么，
我说，你那么聪明，你猜啊。
他想不出，
我说，你一定会喜欢的。
他说，不要那么神秘，会有很高期望的。怕会失望，所以不猜。他说这句话的时候是用很开心很开心的语气在笑的。
我想，现在不大你等几时，就说，高就高，我才不怕达不到期望。这回我很有信心。

结果约了周末。

然后我现在又后悔讲过那种话了。因为在我听到他很开心的语气那一刻，我已经有念头去乌节路买剩下的6-14。妈的。

去不去呢?

去，这叫买笑。而且这笑很贵。

不去，有点半桶水，没点干脆。

去? 不去?

This was the last painting of year 2005.


And this is the first painting completed in year 2006.
if you still remember this painting.....it was about 6 months ago.




After then I have been painting constantly.








And this was the latest painting. yet to be completed.

Trying something different, i thought it will be easy. and it turns out exceptionally difficult technically.



enjoy.

檞寄生

我在看蔡智恒的檞寄生 。 上网查看发觉那生字有误用嫌疑，还好他不是植物学研究生主修毕业，就算错了也罪不至死。想是有人看他迅速走红，眼睛也跟着发红，捉着这点穷追猛打。又不是教小学算术一加二乘三等于九，唉，何苦。

我还没看完，可是很喜欢。一直想写一篇这样的小说，可惜没有凝聚力，日子拖了一天又一天，到底没写出。里头有段文字，我想是说中了我的心情。

荃说，还有我觉得你并不适合写稿，你没有能力写的，你一定写不出来的。。。。。。

。。。。。。如果你帮我写稿，你可能每星期要写一千字。但你的文字不是被制造出来的，你的文字是自然地诞生出来的。

所以就算这些年来在网上写了不少毫无意义的文字，它们对我都是一篇篇的真实回忆录，我是不对自己撒谎的。还有，老实说，自然诞生这回事我相信。我的故事可以和檞寄生一样触动人心。我是说我写得出来。我不对自己撒谎的。

只是，非常喜欢荃的能力，能够看见颜色的能力。

还是紫色somemore。

Simin

Congrats.

You have the blessing from my heart.

May the happiness be with you.

and your family, forever.

竹内结子 Yuko Takeuchi

我最近看了很多电影。The Prestige，看蝙蝠侠对X-Men, 好看，不过我不喜欢。然后之前就是那出好看又喜欢的ま、会いにゆきます。然后没有了。唔，其实不是很多。哈哈。现在在看木村和竹内结子的 The Pride，借的。

因为我喜欢上竹内结子。


象以前喜欢中山美穗那样。


然后又发现了一些很象样的地方。


看了情书后，看沉睡的森林，2000之恋。。。不停地看，角色不同了，也渐渐失去热忱。我想，我只是喜欢第一次看见她们那出戏里的角色。中山美穗1995年的情书，和竹内结子2004年的ま、会いにゆきます。突然发现两部电影相隔九年，不知不觉的九年后，我才看到另一个中山美穗。

不难明白吧。

外表散发着亮丽的光华而不炫目，感觉亲切而不遥远。表面恬静，内心丰富，人性化，朴素。

就是这些。

所以。

不难明白吧。

deadline deadline

It is going to be my first phase of closing my first major research project. i think this is important to me, because it makes me feel i've accomplished sth significant.

After discussed with yc i think the skeleton of the paper is almost done, with important figures are ready to get their places. 5 more weeks to work on all of the remaining experiments, and then going on a stretch of leave with a holiday trip to cameroon followed by 1 week MC due to operation. then december will be my time to write the paper, get the draft done by christmas, have a break and then sent the manuscript to publisher by CNY, then go celebrate edi haha.... finger cross, yc had offered me the first authorship, i hope things go well. i am determine to explore how much i hv improve exactly, so far. growing in any attribute in any aspect of life is a gratifying experience. call me naive now, there is no money involve in spite of the massive effort i had put in.

it's sth else. there is fame and influence, which is not within measure range of money capable of. As the first name appearing in a scientific literature in international publication is probably my carrot, probably the source of courage too. hmm...i wonder if how many ppl will read my paper....


my alternative source of inspiration.....

that's why I always feel that there isn't much time for me to catch the deadline for 2007 August intake of postgraduate program these days. else have to enrol for 2008 january edi. And what make thing worse is i have been long perceive the deadlne is on January. today i checked the deadline.

thanks.

it is 1st december.

there is no way i could meet the date considering the tasks on plate now. fortunately was lunch with kayu and we talked about it. she said it is still possible to submit the application after the deadline. on one hand i am quite relief, on the other hand a delay of 5 month maybe can buy me some time to get a head start before all the classes and lectures begin.....ok, this was my "self-explanatory-cum-consolation" before meet up with kayu, if i really cannot make it to august intake la. i can then clear all the major dirty work in lab within that 5 months, then go to classes when school start. ordinary ppl like me will feel less workload and stress. multitasking certainly not sth i am good at..

this is an additional point. self-esteem one. i guess my bone is made of sciences and my soul is made of arts.

Seriously, i feel like a director shooting a film rushing for deadline of Oscar Awards submission now.

模范生

I just finished watching how Man Utd came back from behind and beat Wigan 3-1. i went back to my room trying to surf the soccernet match report.

Then I saw this:



The MSN users in highlight are my cousins, they are brothers. Red is the elder. haha, I can't resist myself, i am very amused. seriously I am laughing now, haha. Who knows what's going on.

ya you are right. the 模范生 elder brother even got his spelling wrong......

Be with you

I had a good cry.

It certainly deserved as my movie of the year.

Be with you.

这是一份这样的工作

我今天走在路上，表弟问我到底工作在做什么。

我胸有成竹地把准备好的答案，按发问者的接受程度和理解能力，说明白了。要说的是他随后的问题。

的确不禁让我再三想想。

这些工作，没有热忱的话是不可能待得太久的。其实什么工都是。我说的热忱，是发自内心的喜欢，和喜欢一个人是一样的。伪装经不起时间考验，口中的热忱不值一提。说我爱你会有几难? 你说说看。如果心里面不喜欢一个人，绝不可能看得见未来。对一段感情充满热忱，就是这么一回事。

那是很完美的状况。想象的。

事实上，我不是很敢说我很热爱这工作。更不敢说我有"发自内心的热忱"。我只是不讨厌她。我没有很伟大的理想，要让全世界患癌的病人有希望；也没有野心勃勃，说要在有生之年拿个诺贝尔医学奖什么的；更没有什么大计，要开跨国企业靠发明新药物卖个每年几百亿美元。

我只是知道我很敬业，做了份内之事，职之所在而理所当然。偶尔解决了一些小问题而感到满足，然后也尝到死结或瓶颈之类的而充满了担忧与不安全感。也会有一些领薪族的顾虑，怕失业，不知几时加薪之类的。最重要的是，我会很容易满足于解决问题。恍然大悟和茅塞顿开的感觉其实是会上瘾的。不过那个问题如果有个好价钱更好。

没有去想过对社会有什么贡献，想是以自己能发挥的专长换取三餐；凭自己的本事赚钱，花的是正财。无论你怎么看，这就是一份这样的工作。要努力和很坚韧，要有耐心，然后靠脉络和运气，还有一点点命数才能脱颖而出。和其他念得出名字的工作没两样吧。

只是，在可以预见的将来，我不再以科学家自称而感到不安。

いま、会いにゆきます

日本电影，いま、会いにゆきます，译现在，很想见你。英文 “Be with you” 。

是一阵前的影片，人人都说好看。我忘了为什么没看，然后久久就淡忘了。

前几天终于看了，姗姗来迟的感动。有人又要说我多愁善感的。其实我只是善感，我一点也不多愁。我一向来都很能够吃人间烟火的。不过这部电影其实不需要带着很大的努力去感动，简单而踏实地用心感受就能体会到电影中想说的话。刻意的被煽动，只怕完全误解了制片和导演。

没看完全部，看了前面一小段，我觉得自己会缺堤。房间里有别人，我不敢。于是快速打带想知道剧情发展。看到的不是什么时空转移，而是很纯粹的感动。两人就是这样在一起，然后生活，接着生下一个小男孩。她按着和孩子约定在一周年死忌的雨季回来了，然后在雨季结束时带着六个星期的生活离开。离开后，决定了他和她那八年的婚姻，两年后生下了一个男孩。她和孩子约定在一周年死忌的雨季回来，然后。。。

就是这样。

这几天其实我睡得不是很好。有点力不从心，很想赶快完成那篇科学报告，然后希望赶在年终发表。说得真容易，现在连八字都还没一撇。要论证的疑点太多，实验设计又不是很厉害那种，时间编排其实就是看我今天心情。唉，什么时候才能坐下开始写。。。

看了一部好电影，就是在心情很低落时，让自己品茗一下，然后再踏步前行。

いま、会いにゆきます。

现在，很想见你。

Dream

Had a terrifying and traumatizing dream. I woke up in the middle of the sleep. and surprisingly the dream continued after i went back to bed.

i was relief it was indeed the best ending of the dream could have.

I hope you are fine. Even it is not, it will end as in the dream.

Take care.

有经验

最近和一个红颜知己讲话。对，是其中一个，如果你不懂，我是有很多红颜知己s的。我们说起另一个朋友，却不是个红颜知己。谈起感情事，不懂是单恋还是暗恋还是两个都有，反正就是感情问题。哪，不要自鸣清高，感情问题是不分年龄的。别忘了山水有相逢，你最好从此都没有烦恼。

她说，你去跟人家谈天啊，你有很多经验的。去开解人家。

妈的。

真是她妈的。

看在十年交情上，还那么交浅缘深，不跟你计较。活该我有个天上来的安慰奖，人家找我说话也不找你，就是喜欢看你妒忌我。不过这个红颜知己对我很特别的，当时她可能只是随口一提，现在我就当真了。于是，还是，终究，最后我还是有跟这个不是我的红颜知己的朋友聊聊。

要说的不是这个不是我的红颜知己的朋友，重点是为什么她认为我能够胜任开解的角色。也不是，真正的重点其实是为什么我有很多经验所以能胜任开解的角色。简直就是出师无名，名不正言不顺。而且我根本看不出她在贬在褒。

后来我有在想，真是脱不了关系的。以前她说我很长情，我也欣然接受。不过这个词最好永远也不要让人标签在你身上，它会毁掉你一生的幸福的。通常它指的都是有缘无份却还锲而不舍地守株待兔，笨死了。老实说，它是阴魂不散死牛一片颈的同义词。这是我后来想到的。因为我们从来就不说梁祝长情。得不到的人才会长情。所以我不再让这词和我扯上关系。

然后几年过去了。嗯，是十年。她看着我一路走来。

她现在说我很多情。其实是她放我一马没说我滥情。我马上咧反(饭)应，快快在她还没改变主义前欣然接受。不过，十年的日子可不短，我实实在在的过了十年踏实的日子。没白过。如果不以成败论英雄，我该算是个小雄吧。

那天，我对KL说，虽然我很茫然，等得有点疲惫，可是心里深深明白，深信那一个的存在，是非常重要的。有的事能够用努力来改变，有的不能。能够因努力而改变的事不要等，不能以努力改变的事，要有耐心。

说到这里，看着自己写的。我突然明白红颜知己为何叫着红颜知己。

原来我真的很有经验。

亲爱的林祖传

　　　您出生于公历1981年09月02日星期三农历辛酉年(鸡)八月初五午时，今年26岁，五行骨重为5.7两，命书如下(仅供参考)： .......(what the hell...)


福禄丰盈万事全，一身荣耀乐天年；

名扬威震人争羡，此世逍遥宛似仙。

说明：

　　此命为人心性灵巧， 做事细致， 足智多谋，志气高昂，少年勤学，名利成就，适逢快乐， 气量宽宏，财禄有余，犹如锦上添花。中限交来自成自立，渐渐荣昌，招人进财，妻子晚配为美，四十至四十五六岁，看子成名，末限多得意，家中财产甚丰隆，妻宫有克，二子送终，寿元七十三，卒于正月之中。(yah i like this, early marriage get ugly wife....but gf can get earlier..)

O型血

O型血的人热情，富有浪漫气息，大方爽朗的个性很容易受到异性的欢迎！O型血的人喜欢干脆而自在的恋爱，和情人交往也好像是跟朋友一样无拘无束，有自恋倾向和不愿被束缚的性格，在恋爱时都很容易显露出来。(haha...jealous? i also jealous of myself muahha)

　　★具有同情心，富有包容力。

　　★朝着目标努力不懈。

　　★有信用，不说谎。(damn it, i am such a square ass)

　　★意志坚定，有恒心。

　　测测你上辈子是什么人:根据你的公元出生年月日，经过电脑计算，结果为3, 代表你上辈子是有钱人 (yah you are right. BUT THAT WAS THE PAST)

基本性格：

　　性格较懦弱或谨慎，需要借助一定的外力帮助或有好的竞争环境，才能使他的事业和生活一帆风顺。

　　他头脑清醒善于观察，注重细节，从不盲目行事。非常勤劳、总希望把工作做得好上加好。由于他的过分谦逊，常使自己辛勤劳动的成果被他人所用。敏锐的直觉使得他过于爱动脑筋和爱批评指责。

　　他的动力：勤劳。(i dun like this.....)

性格、情感和爱情生活：

　　这是一个典型的独身者的性格，不喜欢意外的事情。在激情所致的内心骚动面前，常常显得惶恐不定，他用持续不断的自我克制或批评精神来自卫。把遵守习俗作为他行动的准则，一成不变的生活是他理想的天堂。(walao, i am glad i can choose not to believe!)

　　这 是个既认真又有强烈责任心的人，一丝不苟地做好本职工作是他的座右铭。所以，可以充分地信赖他，依靠他。一般地说，这种人不喜欢到独立的事业中去发挥才智，而愿意在专家、教授或领导者的身边做助手工作，因此，他所得到的利益与他所付出的辛苦一般是不相称的。然而尽心尽责地完成本职工作是他的信条，也是他 引以自豪的最大心愿。(i think this he is right)

　　婚后，他会把家庭生活安排得相当有条理，各项家庭计划都预先周密考虑，从来不临时抱佛脚或打无准备之仗。

　　他与生辰星位在双鱼座的女性会十分融洽，这一星座的女性和他一样，慎重和不喜欢出风头，也不喜欢在生活中冒各种风险。

　　金牛座的女性也可以成为他理想的伴侣，他们在一起会分享安定、和谐的小康生活的幸福。

　　他也可以向摩羯座的女性伸出友谊之手。通过共同的努力，他们会有一个物质基础相当殷实的家庭。

(yes, can anyone of you who fall in any of the mentioned zodiac send me your CV with 2 recent photos?)

爱情特质：

　　尽管多麽渴望天常地久的爱情。却永远告诉对方，你不爱了的时候，随时可以走。(this is acting tough la....you know)

爱情物语：

　　我一点也不罗嗦和挑剔，真的！如果你懂得洁身自爱的话……

爱情观：

　　充满罗曼蒂克的爱

理想情人：

　　-- 你是有志气的稳重知性派, 志向坚定又稳重的你是知性派,因此不切实际.没有智慧的异性是不会令你注意的.唯有务实.冷静脚踏实地的人,才合乎当你情人的条件.但要配合你的步调相当不易,他必须要有能力主导有些霸气的你… ** 你 的 理 想 对 象 是 冷 静 踏 实 的 人 ** ( i want to burn yellow paper!!)

纯情指数：

　　☆☆☆☆ 处女座因为对爱情有洁癖，害怕受伤害，所以表面上风平浪静，心底却蠢蠢欲动。一般公认纯情度很高，事实上却喜欢到处放电，跟每个人维持良好关系，不过感情很持久。(it's because the electricty always got leakage la.....)

魅力：

　　看似温柔其实刚毅的个性，及贞洁聪慧有高度艺术监赏力，使得魅力天成，加上其乐於学习，可以由後天的努力更添魅力。(i am totally flattered...muhahhhha)

一见钟情：

　　有些神经质且带点忧郁,对感情品质要求很高,如同他的著称「完美主义」,那种逢场作戏或一见钟情等浮面,感性的情境,不太能符合他的要求.

Finally i made it. so long, i have waited for.

I knew it was just a matter of time, but it takes unexpectedly long time.

一万年

我们注定失去一些东西，也注定错过一些缘份才会学会珍惜。到底，有些缘分是永远不会有结果的。张曼娟说那叫有缘无份，缘少，缘浅，终究不是缘少得根本没遇见。只是遇见了，却无法在一起。

喜欢一个人的时候不要说是爱一个人，爱一个人也不要说是拥有，但拥有了一定要珍惜，别在事后懊悔说如果当初什么什么的，然后再力图挽回。一万年的誓约震憾人心，风靡千万，却教人忘记那凄美的一万年，背后只的是一个不会珍惜而后悔的平凡人。他不是什么深情种子，只是可惜那片曾经肥沃的田地，如今一片荒芜与苍凉。

如果我不小心流下一滴眼泪，那时因为我不愿意忘记你是谁。

永保安康

她轻靠我的肩
车票握在手心里面
窗外风景变换倒退
思绪回到有你的从前
像小说的情节
你我曾爱的浪漫缠绵
用了心想要完成每个誓约
祈祷爱情可以永不变
叹世界太多变
如今是她和我依偎
我怎能不抱歉
听说你仍紧锁着心扉
我好挂念我好挂念
我仍关心你的一切
只是很单纯像朋友久违
想要知道你都顺遂
我会想念我会想念
我会祝福你到永远
若你也记得那些昨天
永保安康
是我们最后的诺言

family

I've almost forgotten how a family should function.

I've lost my father for many years, not because he rests in peace, it was because he left the family. My mum then pulled through probably the toughest period of her life, and now we all grown up all thanks to her. It is something an outsider can never experience.

Regardless what's the form of a family, a complete family should include father and mother. It is quite upset for my mum to hear this, the actual fact is we never lack of a single piece of maternal love; yet no matter what, the absence after the departure of my father is irreplaceable and is dearly missed. It wasn't my mum's fault; the boot was still empty regardless how she tried.

I moved into a new place and ej's parents came for a visit. Over the period they stayed here, I thought we were in a family. I laughed at ej and brother they probably drown in the maternal/paternal love, as all of the housekeeping was well taken care. But that wasn't the most important one, it was when i saw how they communicate and live as a family. Respect, appreciation, care, tolerance, acceptance and understanding; they probably know each other so well.

It strikes me at once. I thought I felt the "family".

I said to my bro once, maybe it is a good thing our father left the family so we all grown up in a way as we are now, because my mentality and the way I think did make a great shift after my father had left. Perhaps, it wasn't a bad thing after all because I am quite pleased with the person as who am I now. I certainly do not agree with a lot of my character in the past. Not entirely being influenced but it just appears never get out of his shadow. And I guess the reason I severely lack of confidence today was due to accumulate unappreciated effort and recognition over the years. Making excuse for this doesn’t help; I am just trying to make sense of what has happened to me. Maybe it will help me understand myself better.

It was his departure that make today's mine. i didn't learn anything from him as far as i can remember, I learn a lot of characters from my mum, both good one and bad one. But it was him who makes me developed. From what my mum has told (cos i dun remember who is he and how he behave), I thought I certainly surpass him as a person.

I am pleased.

Reshuffling. New house. New life.

I am moving into a new house this saturday. it's going to end my 22 months tenancy in sm's place. i am getting a little excited and looking forward to it.

while i am packing i started throwing things away, including a lot a lot of letters over the years when i was undergrad. i was very diligent back then. =)
btw lets get back to what i wanted to say.....so what bother me now is what we call "companionship".

it wasn't the first time i feel lonely. if you are aware there were even entries i stated it bluntly. everyone say be strong and independent. so, how, you tell me. human are by nature animals live in group, it just happened that some do adapt better living alone over time. when i was in the hall, there are so many ppl around and i choose to be alone most of the time. and getting a little anti social towards the end.

when i moved out from hostel, i missed the presence of my friends dearly. i was never been completely detached from the hall anyway, it just gradually move on to the life i am having now. i am now live without the hall, except the badminton court. and the pool table. i am completely fine with the life now. it was a little difficult to have a meal on your own for the first time, but it will become a normal practice sooner than imagined.

regardless i was adapted to live alone, to a certain extent, i found it is nothing to do with ...how strong and independent are you. there are feeling and opinion genuinely generated from bottom of your heart. jelousy, loneliness, happiness, depression etc, as well as the need for companionship. we were always told you must be stronger, tougher....what's wrong with having a weaker character? PREFERRED NOT to be alone is not a sin. CANNOT live alone is just...desperate.

we were told to be strong and tough and independent. it's like feeling lonely is a negative reflection of your character. like you are forever-never-grown-up-spoilt-brat. this thought deeply confused me. i thought we were born to have our own character, exhibit different attributes. some can live alone better but some don't.

i guess the real point doesnt lie on how strong/independent are you. it is HOW YOU RESPOND to the emptiness and loneliness. taking out of the context, you naturally feel jealous when your gf went out with her ex. you very upset for not making into second upper class by 0.007. there are ppl cannot stand one to feel jealous, like it is very..not gentlemen; or feeling disappointed for the 0.007 is being plain weak.

give me a break, folks.

living weak is not entirely wrong in its own way. self psycho to make yourself a stronger person? don't make me laugh man. no one can get away from it until the day we understand our own feeling. i know i am happy today, i know i am sad today. i feel lonely now, go for a movie with friend; i feel jealous, but she was comfortable even the last time i went out with my first crush. it's nothing wrong being yourself as...weak/jealous/sad/depressed/angry/frustrated/bored, as long as you know how to respond to the emotion and feeling.

I am looking forward to the new life in the new house.

I prefer to stay with friends.

I don't want to stay on my own.

Senai

and today i were back. from ipoh, taking airasia, reached senai in 50 minutes. i am not going to take bus anymore.

so actually i were back to the place that set the best fullstop in my undergrad. a dearly belated reminder of the trip. 2 years anniversary of sabah trip just passed. it was 28th April...7th May 2004.

here we go, senai airport...(xxx Ismail xxx airport, actually, cant remember damn.)



stand like idiot there waiting for the flight.

it was like maciam tourist trip...i mean leading a tourist trip. cos most of them cannot speak malay, together with some extra-TLC-required malaysian, haha. wait very long edi i supposed but din feel it cos keep talking(walking) around, the most relaxing days in my years since i came to singapore. tell you i nvr rested for the past 4 yrs, i burn my sem break and 3 month holidays for sth now seems useless but exciting back then. so time is up, check in.



then walking happily into the plane.



then chop the seat and take photos, a lot a lot of photos on the flight. AirAsia only dude. seldom take flight, so very excited. here comes me, sc, jy, egon n fiona at the back.



go to alot of places. this is a place called Fairy Garden that named after kayu......



.....who is not in the photo because she was downstair shooting THAT photo....with the most sunshining smile of the year...



and before leaving the place, trying to entertain the highest maintainance-required member dorothy...



nvr make it to the peak. so trying to console ourselves by taking a not-so-far-away photo. the mount kinabalu. and all the guys....MAN. haha.



and make it even closer. at kaki bukit edi. Everyone now. the only full strength photo. The ONLY one, i also dunno why only one shot, at the place that we nvr make it in somemore.



rent the van to take us anywhere we want. RM2700 per van per 10 days ok? this van got a plate number 4337. but driver is driver, taking photo damn lousy...hand shake one.



went to this place called Poring, got water fall and hot spring one. behind mount kinabalu.....so trekking to the upstream. so going up.



reach the top edi. the toughest journey...keep fighting with leeches. ass. record 3 seconds in water the feet got 3 leeches edi. 1 leeches per second...and damn, why girls like to put their face so close together?



you see....guys don't.



Pengakap also don't. they play brokeback mountain and dragon ball. want to combine. his name is ansley. beware of him. and enoch got his half underwear exposed.



and got these duo..duo...gay, trying to be funny. the one surrender first have to being called a gay. cannot argue.



Then go to pulau tiga, the survival island......



do a lot of sports....soccer.....



.........snookers........



.......rock climbing....



.....life saving....



and peeing.



with the mission impossible.....i swear: i wanna pond ah bairn..



then the advisor thinks...



thinker also thinks....



and then ah bairn fall into the trap. lure her. act friendly first.


after that is 18PG. censored.

so we proceed to rafting. team of the year. alamak, me, kayu, mabel and ah bairn.



then go to drink sabah coconut juice. i thought got difference.



then go all the way north towards Kudat to see funny thing like this...



this...



and this.



then we were at the tip of Borneo edi.





went to University Malaysia Sabah (UMS).



....and all the Life Sciences graduate take photo.



so this is actually day 9 edi if you are not aware of. all sleep like a dead dog.



say good bye to sabah.



and say good bye to Air Asia.



and say good bye to ourselves.







and sleep again.



and again.



and then wake up from the dream, we started our life again. go honours. go working. go army. go NIE.

the best trip after CP 97'.