祝福你

于是，ej和jiun结婚了。

祝福你们。

回家

我已经一个星期没见到cm。

上次见到她是在上个星期三晚上。

今天回家，远远在楼下看见客厅黄灯开着，风扇一晃一晃间着黄色的影子。

我突然想快点回到家门口。

Sigh.

I suddenly do not know if this is fair to me. I have lost my faith.

Being critized so heavily for what a mistake due to inexperience, i can only say that is not what i expect from you as a person whom i know so well. and it wasn't a one off incident in so many years. it happened twice in the past 3 weeks.

To be frank, those are things that i would listen and carefully adopt if necessary, even if you tell it on my face. But you don't have to make it sounds like i have just made a mistake that you need to lost your job. because i do not think i deserved such critiques for a line i wrote in an email to a sales person, and the alignment in the first draft only for self-reference purposes.

These are things we learn by experience, who the hell know how to write a decent email before writing for many times? who the hell know how to align the figure the first time? and it is only my own draft! even that is the format you will see later, it is just a minor adjustment.

you don't have to make a big fuss.

I suddenly wonder what's your thought if one day you can't win an argument in an encounter with valid evidence. Maybe you can't out-rule or dismiss the proof that is so undisputable, i was just wondering, just wondering, what's in your mind when you know you are forced to swallow your own word.

I don't know what is in your mind. I only know what i have lost.

I have no interest to make someone regret to grow me up, but i hope if ever there is an argument, i hope i am being convinced, not forced to accept. Through out the years, I've proven I possess the ability and the gut to take critiques, that is exactly why you see i'm getting better, getting so better that you will now need a bigger heart and character to accept i've outgrown the place in certain areas.

Yet you dun need to pick up my inexperience minute mistake and tell me i'm not as competent.

My best strength is obviously not my confident, it is the ability to measure my own strength accurately.

Depression

It was such a lengthy period i have had. And, still it was left to myself to pull it through, with some mental assist from someone else. How i wish i could do better than that.

Stuck in depression was certainly a haunting experience.

When one was so weak and fragile, it is very easy to be influenced, affected or ill-advised.