紫包鸡日记 9-1

谢谢各位，我十二月二十四日生日。

没有人跟我说生日快乐。我想大家都很忙。忙赶路，忙购物，忙工作。忙着记住很多很多事情，然后忘记更多更多事情。

生日要讲愿望。现在不讲过新年也要讲的，循例。什么愿望? 我要过一个完整的生命。。噢，好象很深酱。。。

完整不是完美，完整的东西可以不完美的。英文叫complete. 马来文叫lengkap. Complete / Lengkap 就象你考试写卷纸，每一题都写上答案。不过可能还是没有满分。

考卷上有四道题。题目就这八个字。

第一道是亲情。

第二道叫事业。

第三道叫友情。

第四道写着爱情。

先 讲第一道。讲人，家人。H-O-M-E，这个英文较好听。"家"在汉字里是一只猪在屋檐下，一点也不窝心。妈的，跟猪什么关系。我的屋企有条狗，天天站在 家门口。就算有也是狗，没有猪。是的，家里就我娘，天天想念她，每次骂人就再想念多一次。还有两个弟弟。还有门口那条狗。。。。噢，刚才吟诗提过了 的。。。

每次想回家，多回几次就开始忘记到底是回家还是到怡保玩。几时想回家? 你玩耍好好的是不会想回家的，过得风光是不会想回家的。然后在外头有了另一个家，自己的家，才会天天回的。那么娘家几时回，不是看假期，是看心情。

心情好，根本没想家，玩的精疲力竭回到就算是旅馆酒店，也没想家。太累，先睡了。遇到挫折，受到委屈，心里难过，唉，不如回家休息几天吧。回到家里也不怎么诉苦，就只漫无目的看天花板发呆过完几天，然后很神奇地充满力量。好，明天就想回到工作!

我每次回到家，没有人。一条狗又不认我，我也懒惰和它搞好亲密关系。坐在家里，想吃好东西，没车没脚，只好等七点妈妈放工吃晚饭。然后发觉，怡保虽小，除了家里，原来我无处可去。让怡保不同的，是人。原来如果现在没了家(人)，怡保不过是一个没有灵魂的死城。

真是一个逃避问题和烦恼的好地方。

除了家，这个地方，真的，真的什么都没了。

我的亲情，在怡保。

我的亲情，是怡保。

张小娴

路过Kinokuniya就神不守舍地走了进去。看见我以前有点不屑的张小娴。

不是讨厌她，而是有点怕。天，原来太阳底下什么样的女人都有。可是每天追看她的专栏，然后每天对她评头论足。想象她还能有多变态。逢人就说她什么什么的，又再露出一副不屑去读她文章的样子。然后每天还在追看她的专栏。

什么话。

伸手翻开一本。想看看这些年来张小娴是否依然变态。最后我看完整本。妈的。

可是，结果我的心情好过许多。

原来张小娴在今天看来，并不如想象的变态。那是我以前天真得可以。

再不然就是我今天和她一样变态。

<转载一两篇，欣赏欣赏>

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酸溜溜的感觉

　　署名“局中人”的S在电邮里说，他在大学的迎新营上认识了一位女同学，当他正想追求她时，才发现她已经有男朋友，对方也是同一间大学里的学生。他努力想忘记她，却忘不了，她偶然找他聊天，找他帮忙做功课，从未谈过恋爱的他，不知道女孩子心里到底想些什么。每当看到她跟男朋友一起的时候，他就觉得酸溜溜，无法专心读书。
　　他问：“有什么解决办法？”
　　对不起，没有解决办法。
　　他是人家的蜂蜂蝶蝶，有什么能力反抗？她显然是不爱他的，然而，弃之又可惜，有个小男生爱慕、有个男孩子被她差遣，她为什么要拒绝？没有女人会拒绝这种福气的。
　　喜欢一个人，为此而受煎熬，那是理所当然的事，你以为喜欢一个人不需代价的吗？
　　从未谈过恋爱的男孩子，应该多点被女孩子伤害、抛弃、屈辱和背叛，多受点爱情的苦，这样，他才可以快高长大，成为一个真正的男人。
　　到了那天，当他回想今天不被人爱的酸溜溜的感觉，他会发现，这一种酸，原来是果酸，能够促进新陈代谢，令他脱胎换骨。全靠这种酸，他终于懂得爱。

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不肯定的爱情

　　不肯定的爱情，有时候，也是一种折磨。
　　整个早上。你在等他的电话，好想听听他的声音，你昨天不舒服，好想今天向他撤一下娇，只是，他的电话一直没有打来，到了中午，你只好失望地一个人出去吃饭。
　　下午，他的电话打来了，可是你已经没有那样的心清，你不会告诉他今天早上你多么渴望听到他的声音，反正已经过去了，他和你又不是什么男女朋友关系。
　　天气那么寒冷，你和他肩并肩走着，他问你冷不冷，你说冷，可是，他竟然笨得不会脱下外套给你。啊，是的，他是你什么人？他没有这个义务，你根本不知道他有多喜欢你。
　　两个人走着走着的时候，你好想拥抱他，偏偏他像一块木头那样，你不知道他心里想些什么。这种事，总没理由女人主动吧？
　　一场愉快的约会结束，他送你回家，你憧憬道别的一刻，他会勇敢地吻你一下，可是，他竟然尴尴尬尬的两手插在裤袋里，比你还要矜持，难道要由你问他：“你想不想吻我一下？”
　　你从外地回来，他说：“我那天有空，可以来接机。”
　　这一天，你走出机场，果然看到他，你好想跳到他身上，听地说一声：“你走了之后，我很挂念你。”
　　谁知道他只是一本正经地问你：“好不好玩？”
　　他什么时候才能够变得肯定一点？为什么他总是在你渴望的时候让你失望，在你期待的时候让你伤心？在你踌躇满志的时候，又让你无端的失落？难道这就是爱情？

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等候适当的时光再遇

　　有时候，买了一本书或者一张唱片回家，唱片听过一次之后，不怎么喜欢，于是长久放在抽屉里。那本书，翻过几页之后，就一直放在一旁。
　　过了很久之后，你在书架上偶尔发现这本书，一看之下，竟有相逢恨晚的感觉，这么好的书，为何你忘记它的存在？如果早一点看到，你的境界也许都会跟现在不一样。
　　然后，某年某天，你打开抽屉，无意中看到那张只听过一次的唱片，你再次把它播出来，那动人的旋律和歌词竟使你震撼，原来你一直错过这么好的歌。那时为什么会不喜欢呢？
　　每个人总会有一、两本忘记了的书或一张没印象的唱片，时光流逝。偶然再会，才懊悔自己错过了一本好书，遗忘了一首好歌。
　　也许，那不是遗忘，而是时间不对。第一次听那张唱片的时候，它不能触动你心灵，因为大家心境不同。那本书无法让你惊艳，只因为当时你还没有那种领悟。
　　游走在我们身边的人，也许都在等候一种领悟，等候适当的时光再遇，时间对了，你便会爱上他，幸好，你们今生还是遇上了。

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Christmas Eve's eve

So today is friday and tomorrow is christmas eve.

So sweet of the lab mates, and my dear students. Got a funny slimy-toy from ck, a box from Mary, a set of 2 towels from YC and a piece of chocolate cake from Jo as christmas presents. Went back to hall and got a box of chocolate from kayu. Really feeling warm, even to a person like me who don't really celebrate christmas.

Calling ej and jiun for dinner and they were all went to hougang. so i then eat myself. Suddenly got a very pathetic emotional outburst. I have condusive environment, great lab mates and a considerate boss at work; i have great friends and buddies from hall, school or whatever, have fun, playing basketball, badminton and gathering; I have lovely mother and brothers that will call me at special day.

Yet i am just feeling lonely for every meal i eat. Lunch or dinner. for lunch there are seldom the timing of we can have meal together. one in and the other out. for dinenr, i flip through the phone book, normally call the hall ppl because it's just at convenience, cm, tw, jy, ej, jiun. of course there are ppl other than those in the hall, but when looking at those other names on the phone book, I just choose to eat myself. and the worse case is always when i reach home, my landlord's mother always get ready with a table full of meals with soup vege meat and ....sth just impossible for one like me to have it here by myself alone.

and that was what happened just now.

I can always eat alone. But a family meal is always sth good to have. only and only if i can choose not to eat alone.

sigh.

I need a family.

Cough cough cough

damn damn damn
cough cough cough cough cough
die die die
cough die me!!!
niasing!!!!!!!!

如果‧愛

張學友
作曲:金培達
填詞:姚謙
編曲:金培達

每個人　都想明白
誰是自己生命　不該錯過的真愛
特別在午夜醒來　更是　會感慨
心動埋怨還有不能釋懷
都是因為你觸碰了愛

如果這就是愛
在轉身就該勇敢留下來
就算受傷　就算流淚
都是生命裡溫柔灌溉

愛　在回憶裡總是那麼明白
困惑的心　流過的淚
還有數不盡黑夜等待
如果這就是愛

如果你　當時明白
後來的生命裡　是快樂還是悲哀
特別在夜深人靜時　想起未來
是否能平靜不會像現在
只是因為你擁有了愛

如果這就是愛



每个人的一生就好象一部电影，而他们就是那部电影里的主角。有时候他们会以为他们也是别人电影里的主角。但可能他们只是一个配角，只有一个镜头。更说不定他们的片段早被人剪掉了，自己居然还不知道。就拿这对母女来说吧。这女孩肯定是妈妈一辈子的主角。可是十几年后，在女孩的电影里面，妈妈的角色还有多重要呢。在我这储存里很多被别人剪掉的片段，我把他们都收起来了。因为他们有时会剪错的。等他们再需要的时候，我就会把片段送还给他们。。。

紫包鸡日记 8

半夜三更，孤枕难眠。今早六点起床。

拈日不如撞日，好好说，其实我有点心动。因为昨天听了这首(老)歌。

我和你 男和女
都逃不过爱情
谁愿意 有勇气 不顾一切付出真心 <---- 这样东西其实很难。如果你是懂得什么叫爱的(现代)人，你一定明白。

你说的 不只你 还包括我自己 <---- 这是爱情萌芽的开始。可惜，天算不如人算，天下没有哪本可兰经圣经可以告诉你， 其实他(她)也想说 ；。。。。你说的 不只你 还包括我自己。。。
该不该再继续 该不该有回应 让爱一步一步靠近 <---- 徘徊在这个十字路口是会有微妙的心情的，统统可以写成一本书，或是象这一首歌。可是，徘徊太久就是不思长进，不然就是搞暧昧

我对你有一点动心
却如此害怕看你的眼睛
有那么一点点动心 一点点迟疑 <---- 这一点点迟疑动心的火花，要不烧掉大片大片平原，要不马上熄灭，没有会 "一点点动心 一点点迟疑" 几十年地。。。
不敢相信我的情不自尽 <---- 这是最最最贴切的形容。记住了，爱情让人情不自尽得难以置信。

我对你有一点动心
不知结果是悲伤还是喜 <---- 不管什么结果，悲伤是没有的。大不了那颗心赤赤的被拉了一下，然后想清楚要不要踏步前行。还没开始的感情，最多是让人甜蜜得刻骨铭心，绝不会教人痛得毕生难忘。那只是不甘心带来的副作用罢了。
有那么一点点动心 一点点迟疑
害怕爱过以后还要失去 <---- 那是让人难以想象地脆弱，难以想象地坚强的力量。不信? 爱让人怕死 也让人不怕死。生是连理枝，死是鸳鸯鬼，所以不怕。怕的是一样叫着 "阴阳两隔" 的东西。

难以抗拒 噢！
人最怕就是动了情
虽然不想不看也不听 却陷入爱里 <---- 看，认命吧。骗不了自己的心的。

who is he?

Just suddenly think of someone. So I decided to talk about him.

I wanted to ask my mum when she had fall in love with my dad. what did they do when they went out for date. Were they enjoy the sweetest time in their life? Were their sweetest memory come in pairs with each other? how did he confess before he gets you? you got your first flower in life from him?

Suddenly i found myself so strong at times, and so fragile at times too. I certainly remember the days when we were at the breaching edge. however, those days do not haunt me anymore. I told cm one day, it took me very long before I can even mention him comfortably, to entertain, or accomodate the ignorance of a friend(s). Back the years then there were few people who can understand. however, now it seems i was just plain naive. they do not understand at all. they are my good friends, who were just willing to spare a pairs of ears. and trying hard to share my collapsing emotion. yet they still act like nothing happen to me and trying real hard to give me another part of life that is at least flooded with happiness and laughters. you know who you are when i say "my good friends". I know i am damn rich.

what makes one matured? life experience. I used to wish it never happen to me. well, now I do not hold the same wish or anything close. It is my life, a path that i walk by myself that belongs to myself only, which is shaping who am i today. I accept it as part of me and live with it. though in a the case of 'never happen' were always sth good to have, well....it is just too good to believe.

I almost forget how to call someone "dad" because i do not practice it for long. it started trigger the curiousity of the inner mine, asking question like is he someone very fierce? or he is someone do not talk much? Now then I realise I do not understand him. What kind of person he is? I definitely old enough to remember who is he, I wasnt a kid anymore back then. but when i screen through the memory database, all the files were either corrupted, or i have not met the minimum system requirement to access the files.

I have no idea of the diagnosis results in such a way that I am forgeting him. It definitely not. I can remember the days when he brought me to his school to play basketball when i complaint the courts nearby are always occupied by elder teenagers. I can also remember he will brought me whole set of children magazine like "3M newspaper", "Good student", so and so every monday. I also remember he brought me to join the school trip to Gua Tempurung. and he fetched me every tuesday and thursday after my school team tabletennis training. and I remember he said "take it as a hobby" when I cried like a pussy because I was drop out from the team last minute in a competition. I remember he was the one against my will to go for a proper art lesson under some artist nearby.

But i have no idea of who is he? I dunno what he thinks.

yes, I don't know my father.

Who is he?

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Dinner

I came back from work. Considered quite early to reach home at 8pm.

carrying the dabao-ed food. yes. again, it was from MacDee. I am just plain lazy, i dun want to spent soo much money to eat rubbish if I have the choice (if I have the mood).

I step into the house and i smell the rice.

and the "well cook" dishes. (i am not sure if it is well because never taste it, but I think it may be tasty)

I put down my stuff in the room, went to bathroom to washed my foot and walked pass the kitchen.

I look at the "complete dinner set" - rice, vegetables, a fish, meats, prawns and a soup.

I went back into my room.

I look at my MacDee dinner - a bread (pair of two), the meat in between (one), the vegetables in between (3 leaves), the fries (from one slightly more than fist size potato), and a drink.

Literally it was - 2 slices of bread, a piece of meat, 3 vegetables leaves, a potato and a 500ml soft drink.

sigh.

Ultimate Spam Revenge

Got this mail today. I couldn't resist but to laugh at myself....this is soooo funny.





Hi folks,

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past few years.

Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern...

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being plastic.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Geez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhoea will crap on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your
armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's mother's beautician!

爱情

Read it in someone's blog, real great entry. sharp and precise. have fun.

谁不需要爱情？
不要唱高调。

疯子没说爱情是氧气。
爱情是人生的调剂品。
调剂你的生命，让你的生命有点色彩。

当然有人说男人应该以事业为重。
但是不是也说，成功的男人背后都有一个女人。
大前提，你要成为成功的男人之前，一定要有一个女人在背后。
当然在今天的性向错乱，成功的男人背后还可能是另一个男人。

什么？
事业成功，还怕没有女人？
对不起，不要贬低爱情，有女人并不代表爱情。
女人可以买，当然男人也可以买，但是并不代表你买得到爱情。
你没看到有爱情的时候，贫贱小情人还是可以活得很开心，就算喝白开水。
爱情让人盲，盲得不可思议。
忘了贫困，虽然是暂时的，
那就是爱情的力量。

当然，贫贱夫妻百事哀。
重点：那是夫妻，所以才会哀。
来了来了，我听到很多夫妻在抱怨了。
夫妻之间不能有爱情吗？
不是没有，是升华，爱情升华成为亲情，不一样的。
你会跟你的爸爸妈妈说肉麻话吗？
有吧？病榻床前，弥留之际。
亲人之间，有些事是我们不说的。

爱情是很玄的东西。
那天，在开会的时候，疯子就莫名其妙蹦出了几句话。
在这里跟大家分享一下。
人人都需要爱情，
爱情故事千百年来，总让人目眩神迷。
不无缘因。

没有爱情的人想追求爱情，
拥有爱情的人想占有爱情，
失去爱情的人想寻回爱情，
不管爱过，没爱过，都需要爱情。

可悲的是，爱情在得到的那一刻，已经慢慢失去、冷却。
所以我们都会不断继续重复，
在爱情这一业障，贪爱，嗔爱，痴爱中轮回。
追求、占有、寻回、追求、占有、寻回……

有人伤一次，痛不欲生，千年怕绳草。
有人自虐，一再投入，一痛再痛，乐此不疲。
有人犯贱，明知不可为，为之，得到、失去都是堕落。

爱情是鸦片，花蕾美得让人心碎，
让人上瘾，让人犯禁，
瘾脱不掉，向下沉沦，
失去自己，失去尊严。

爱情不就是这么一回事吗？
什么道德？什么矜持？
呸！
去日苦多，爱一回吧！

紫包鸡日记 6

寻人启事。

以前有看过诸如此类的东西，找人的。象这种。

xxxxx
年约三十，身材中等，稍胖，有肚腩，很黑，印度人, 胡子大把，通常穿上破烂背心和短裤。
xxxxx

那个分明是什么奇遇故事里的关键人物，卫斯理最爱的。要么就是拿着一块宇宙来的神秘石头而不知，要么就是有另一个真正身份，通常是超大的，讲出来无人不知，无人不晓那种。。。

然后有找家人的。

xxxxx
年龄八十，身材矮小，披头散发，患老人痴呆症，自言自语，若遇见此人请速通知阿鸟，手机号码 173 173 174，酬劳优厚。
xxxxx

接着是时下最流行的越南新娘。

我没关心那种，看过也不记得，不知道怎样写那种启事通告。

不过倒是张曼娟的一篇寻人启事让我一直记到现在。

xxxxx
尋找一個人，可以共渡飄雪的聖誕夜，坐在火爐旁吃著剛烘焙好的巧克力餅乾，在馬友友無伴奏大提琴樂聲中，交換夏日裡的心情和故事
xxxxx

用心去看，是挺浪漫的。不过看来太。。。浪漫了。我没见过白色圣诞。可是我有自己的寻人启事。。。

xxxxx
寻找一个人，女的，可以一起牵手在拥挤的地铁站，穿越来往的人群，可以站在路边摊一块吃着热腾腾的碌碌鱼丸。周末一早到市集去买菜，傍晚一起动手做晚餐。饭后坐在沙发上，开着张学友的"有个人"，轻声细语说着各种事情，共同认识的朋友，说起分别小时候的经历和冒，快乐的幼稚园。依偎在彼此的肩膀，一觉睡天亮。
xxxxx

你们都是生活在都市繁忙里的。啊，是我们。生活一層不變，愛情的感覺也不那么容易鮮明脆亮的。

你有你的寻人启事吗?

紫包鸡日记 5

我在巴士站。

等很久，巴士没来。本来刚才跑快一步就可以追上的，偏偏顾什么仪态，又不是淑女。还装着若无其事慢慢走，其实心里猛捶暗跺。

有点后悔坚持要上23号巴士，刚才来了几辆，别的号的，不过嫌它们停较远，或绕道，或经过一些我很讨厌的街，会有很讨厌的人上来。所以继续等。

结果现在在这里浪费时间。

接着又来了巴士，不是23号小巴，我想既然等了那么久，坚持就等到底吧。23号万岁。

巴士一辆又一辆过去，23号就是不来。想想不对劲，人群开始少了，街道也渐渐寂静下来。妈的，回头看巴士路线和时间表去。天，刚才那是尾班车！！

好了，现在停较远的，或绕道的，或经过一些我很讨厌的街的，都是要上了。

又等了很久，现在什么巴士都没有。看看表，他娘的。看看巴士行程时间表，他娘和他爹和他干妈的。真的什么都没有了。

眼看一辆又一辆的德士飞驰而过。

冷气，直通，不挤，安静。

外型帅，性能佳，有音乐。有些还香香的。

......高消费。可能骗我不熟路绕大道。

想什么，没的回家了，伸手招吧......呃，拒载怎么办。

叫?不叫?

Went for a trip to Penang, Ipoh and Melacca. plain makan trip.

trying very hard to relax but heavy travelling make me even harder to get rested. I am someone couldnt get rest in a long journey. but my tummy got the best treatment for the past 3 years.

Went to Gurney Drive, they call this place 湾仔角 in chinese, and I just knew this place called "Gurney Drive" one week ago. thank God fs knew this even later than I do. haha. thought I am damn outdated or like living in the cave. so eat like no body business there until I can't even walk properly. suddenly understand the feeling of a woman in pregnancy.

wasn't realise kayu can be so garang in shopping one. I thought she was not like normal singaporean girl, ahem, sorry this is so stereotype, and...err, nationalist?:P anyway, she is quite garang shopping together with hy la, whom the person "reduce her risk of going to Malaysia toilet" significantly....what kind of nonsense, ahha.

anyway suddenly realise I am nearly lost my touch in Ipoh already. I missed that place so much. but guess I will die for boredom in Ipoh with that kind of living pace, like real old folks peeing kind, which totally different from singapore kind bomba save fire.

Met with sl again in Lau Pasat. I am glad she seems good. things has passed and belongs to memories of ourselves, that is going to be remembered for the rest of life.

We are not going to live that kind of life ever again.

all the best, sl.

Wish list

There is a wish, sincerely.

May all the disaster went off.

May the H5N1 flu get vaccinated.

May all of us getting progressive.

May the happiness last longer.

May the holiday come faster...

...may the money turns bigger, may the salary gets higher, may my paper published in Nature and Nicole Kidman and Emma Watson fall in love with me forever!!!!!

argh....may the dream never end and ever ever...

Triumph of empathy

I am very happy today. because i just finished my first English book, in my life. i completed it!

someone came across somedays ago and i found this book: The curious Incident Of The Dog in The Night-time by Mark Haddon. Talking about an autistic 15 year old kid that is gifted with a super duper logical brain. He can name all the country of the world and their capitals and every single prime number up to 7057...aiyeh, this is not about a review of the book...anyway it was International best seller and White Award Winner k....

The New Yorker said: This original and affecting novel is a Triumph of empathy.

so i went to read it and i finished it.

I always tell people around the amount of english books and english essays/articles i read for the past 3 years is taking up more than 90% of total english books/essays/articles i had read so far. I am really glad to have a condusive environment for me to improve. And now i am comfortable speaking english with anyone else.

maybe i shall start to watch movie or TV series without subtitle. shld hv get some good quality DvD verion TV series from state........

Snow. Wolf. Lake.

宁家，一户渐趋没落的富有人家，请来了新的花王，他的名字叫胡狼，一个沉默寡言、不懂与人沟通却又全心爱花惜花的人。陪伴他走每一个孤独步伐的，就是各种美丽的花朵和一只精灵的猴子-一直到他遇上了宁静雪。

　　一次宁家的宴会，富家子梁直为讨宁家二小姐宁静雪的欢心，摘了狼栽的花相赠，其它宾客争相仿效，将狼的心血破坏。狼为了护花与宾客起冲突，最后被势利的宁太太辞退；但狼爱花之情打动了宁家两位小姐-活泼美丽的雪和沉默内向的姐姐玉凤。

　　雪性格乐观，故意主动接近狼，狼被雪深深吸引着，亦首次打开自己的内心世界，心中久违了的一份爱在一刹那盛开。同一时间，狼经常造着同一个梦，梦中一个红衣少女受着烈火的煎熬而挣扎，虽然少女的面目很模糊，但已隠隠然透着一种不祥的预感。

　　一夜，雪和狼看见流星划过夜空，两人道出心中理想:雪愿望有天能够成为出色的小提琴演奏家，而狼的愿望是种出一种可以代表“爱”的花朵，他希望把这种花命名为“宁静雪”，雪的灵魂深深被感动。内向的姐姐玉凤，常常倾听着雪诉出有关狼的一切，心中既羡慕亦为自己的孤独而忧伤，唯有暗暗地将自己代入其中。

　　另一个晚上，雪与狼乘船出海，雪谈到希望到维也纳一间湖畔的音乐学院进修音乐，狼亦愿相随在湖边栽种他的“宁静雪”，两人充满憧憬地称那个湖为“雪狼湖”。平静的海面像为了见证雪和狼的承诺而翻起大风浪，在生死一线间二人紧紧相拥，真爱无惧世间一切风雨。

　　梁直为了要得到雪，用诡计把狼欺骗，让狼以为自己必须离开雪才可以令她幸福。单纯而冲动的狼在一个情人节嘉年华会中故意放了一场火，令自己锒铛入狱，并寄望雪日后可以在别人怀抱中得到幸福。犹如晴天霹雳的雪，更被梁直欺骗狼已死在狱中。雪伤心欲絶，决定远赴维也纳修读音乐，后来在母亲怂恿下与梁直结了婚。

　　雪和狼一对有情人，从此天各一方。

　　在黑狱中，受梁直贿赂的狱警把狼尽情欺辱。万念俱灰的狼在絶望中遇到一位老狼仙，他送了一些爱的种子给狼，并叮嘱狼若以爱心栽种，有天或许可以种出他的“宁静雪”。

　　刑满出狱后，狼遇见一个背影与雪甚为相似的少女，少女没有表露她就是雪的姐姐宁玉凤。原来狼入狱后，她一直悉心照料狼的猴子和所种花，狼感到生命在遗憾中又带着点点的希望。

　　在玉凤的鼓励和支持下，狼重新振作，在市集中靠卖花为生。正当玉凤以为自己已可代替雪在狼心中位置之时，却被母亲发现了两人的交往。狼此时才知道玉凤的身份，还有婚后的雪在维也纳意志极为消沉，幸福和快乐不曾在门前经过。玉凤感到很内疚，着狼到维也纳找雪。平安夜，在一个露天广场的演奏会中，狼终于找到雪。雪百感交集，亦因为自己已为人妇的身份而不敢面对狼，矛盾中拔足狂奔，消失在人群中。翌晨，街上传来小提琴家宁静雪被杀而沉尸湖底的号外消息，狼听闻后悲痛不已。此时老狼仙被狼的悲鸣所感动而再度出现，他告诉狼可以利用“时间伤口”重返过去再见雪一面，但却不能改变已发生的事实，并且若在时限过去之前不返回实，狼将会永远流落在时间当中。狼心中暗忖，为了要再见雪，不惜与天地一博。

　　时光倒流，回到雪死前一幕。雪从广场飞奔返家，质问梁直所有事情的真相。在两人激烈争吵之际，狼从“时间伤口”赶至，在纠缠间梁直错手开了一枪，子弹送进了雪的胸口。梁直杀死了自己最爱的人，疯狂中叫唤着雪的名字逃去。痛苦万分的狼，抱着死去的雪步入湖中。虽然“时间伤口”的时限已届，狼决意与雪永远在一起，漂流在时间的永恒之中。日子过去，湖边终于长出了千万朵代表着雪和狼无尽爱意的花朵“宁静雪”。

　　人们都记得这一个湖的名字—“雪狼湖”

September

it was almost half month already. i wasn't having good days since then. and not in the mood writting in chinese.

i am not even sure if i should write it down. there are just simply too much things in my mind, and i am not even sure how much ppl can understand.

i just need someone to talk abt it. initially i was thinking to wait for vs to tell her abt this when she come to sg this week. just couldnt resist. need someone to talk desperately sigh...plain weak, useless me. poor cm have to listen to all the shit. though never talked as much cos in the train, but definitely feeling much much better.

thanks cm.

玫瑰

佛家语；前世的五百次回眸才换来今生的擦肩而过。

曾经遇到过一个女孩，那个时候我很爱她，只是没有她的允许，我不敢说爱。只好偷偷说喜欢。那个时候她并不喜欢我。

直到后来她又点心动时，我却似乎失去那种感觉，我好象已经不再爱她了。可是当我问自己能做到从今以后不再想起她的时候，才发觉她已经变成我的生命里一个很特别的人，有着无法代替的地位。

这么多年来总是有意无意地想起她，又或者朋友聚会时谈起她的消息，我都有着超乎寻常的关注；接到她的来信或者电话的时候我的心都是莫名的激动和紧张。对她也是异常地宽容。

这么多年来单身未必是因为一直都没有忘记她，更可能的是我在以她的标准来寻觅着我将来的女朋友。

很多年了，有点疲倦。尽管外表没有什么变化，我的心却走过了一个长长的旅程。路很长，很长。一路走来，发觉自己可以超乎想象的勇敢，也曾经超乎想象的脆弱。

只是。都走过来了。

张曼娟说的，一个藏在心中的名字，甚至能够支撑我们走过生命中的冰原，象永不凋谢的玫瑰。

呵，真是一朵铿锵玫瑰。

有童年的人

我是个有故事的人。

小时很爱哭，现在想起觉得以前很懦弱。可是都不记得是怎样停下的，哭给自己听很无聊吧。

有次在幼稚班 偷偷玩滑梯，以为老师不知道，谁知前天晚上下雨，滑梯湿湿的，屁股就在刷的那一下把滑梯擦得干干净净，蓝色小吊裤变得超黑。人小笨不完，走路靠墙弯，以为 可以安然无恙过一天，小息排队一时大意，忘了靠墙，结果被押臀示众。屁股对着小朋友当反面教材，一边哭一边怕: 这回准被告状家长，死梗。

其实我什么都只想到自己，当时有两个屁股对着小朋友，一个我的，一个是别人的。大概我的屁股因疏忽曝光，害得另一个在扫瞄中落网吧。他一定在心里骂我娘。唉，有怪莫怪，细佬仔唔识世界。

那 时候最了不起的是买了一辆红色BMX脚车，后轮附加二小轮(加强版) 。象藤原的豆腐86一样，改装后威力无穷，身轻车快。后来看身边的东西总是慢半拍，觉得了不起，就提出要载人。以前妈妈说坐后面，载你去巴杀，把脚打开。 我说脚打开象初哥，放在‘木区’‘车由’的螺丝上算了。那是不要被车轮绞到，我知，弟弟不知，只懂得乖乖把脚放在小小的螺丝上。

一个漂移，翻车。因为太快，又紧张，他把脚放错地方。脚背一片黑青，哭了起来。我见势不对，也哭。学校的女生都是这样的，哭的总是不挨骂。所以我又哭。最后两个一起挨骂，被禁漂移不说，连豆腐都没得载。我弟弟一定在心里骂我。他不骂我娘。

长 大了，听阿牛的歌<<哭>>,"...眼泪，别白白地流~"，所以只为心爱的女人而流。上个世纪在一个女人面前哭另一个女人，都 不知道为的是什么。有点白流的感觉。所以现在只在看电影时，戏院黑黑的，假假哭一下，自己爽，又没人看见。听说女人喜欢硬男，tough guy never cry，不敢哭。

以后没敢人前哭。

除非我喜欢的那个说你哭出来我就嫁给你，我马上哭。

初夜

(use Unicode UTF-8 to view)

这是久违的文章。终于，我鼓起勇气把手放在键盘上敲出一个个方块字。我想，是时候让自己再抓起汉字吧！就写了。妈的，好慢。

近况不好也不坏，有点低迷，和一点点懒散。努力而没效率地整理自己的心情。好想回家。实验室里头的文化代沟正是我来新后所处的环境缩影。讲着没人懂的幽默，听着陌生的鬼子笑话，再不然就是讨论干巴巴的东西......你不会想听。一星期五天享受这异国情调，还好周末过着一些进口马来风光。

其实好想搬家换下环境，有可以一块儿生活的伴是挺不错的。一个人闷在房间的日子可不好过。现在听着张学友的"寂寞的男人"，实在让人......不懂如何~告别烦恼。想着的是所失去的推动力，我现在最需要的是一个假期吧。最近让人有点兴奋的事情就是关于泡泡，只是感到有点力不从心。惰性，纪律，取材都是要克服的问题。直到现在认真去做才发觉驾驱那他妈的软件是需要日积月累的操作训练的。千里之行始于足下，还是按步就班吧，急也急不来......我现在最需要的是一个假期吧。

昨天老板亲自下厨，煮了一席菜，所以早早收档吃晚饭去了。五点到了她家里，吃饭，讲话，喝酒，吃雪糕和零食，闹了一个晚上，回到家睡得象死猪。我想，这种晚饭或多或少让我想念住家晚饭吧。文化差大概和肚皮没关系。现在好象任何住家饭都很好吃。我是想家想疯了。

接着就象往常一样，六点FS晚餐，然后羽球。总是让人兴致勃勃的星期六，流了汗，爽爽的，心里就满满的了。我觉得我可以很简单，也大概只能很简单，哈哈。明天一早回实验室来个快手脚的功夫，然后开始电影马拉松。先是早场 "七剑"，小息三十分钟，然后午场The Island，下午五点和Tiong Bahru篮球有个约会。我的礼拜就这样过去了。

呵呵，交代一下那暧昧的标题。那是个以键盘敲汉字的初夜。对不起，今晚这里没有"一夜无话"。

kukup again .....just came back.

pretty looking forward to this one with just another group of people. We were all like "going back" to malaysia...haha, ease in using mandarin and cantonese, speak english only to cm occasionally, haha, shld hv make cm speak more cantonese and mandarin too, shldnt accomodate her that much next time, haha. jiun dun seems like the seafood that much, only take some fish and vege...i bet she scared of the cholesterol. haha. how aunty, good bless ej.

anyway, kukup is just another plain mahjong marathon, esp to those beginner. surprise cm was catching it fast...hmm, mayb she knew roughly how to play before. the rest were just addicted, simply addicted. advnced to level 4000 in a night, amazing...and continue on second morning...really a casino warm up...we called this a new disease in singapore "casinoma"...

oh ya, before the next morning mahjong, there was a nightmare...

the house behind our chalet got some incident where a singaporean died the week before we went. so by the time we reached kukup it was the 7th days of the incident. heh, we all know it wasnt a normal day for the 7th...

at night as norm we played mahjong and sing karaok, with all the heart and strength, no body bother care how lousy you are, haha, the next door wasnt any better though :P so then after everyone getting tired, we went to bed at about just before 3am...if my memory didnt fail me. so within 15 minutes i went to bed, it started raining, very heavily....i feel the chill because it really different with the storm night i had experienced before. now then i know how the storm at the sea/seaside is, different grade. thunder-gust....

the windows were not closed, the mahjong left outside, the door was left opened too. it was a disaster. our chalet macam going to float...hmm, tts exaggerated la, anyway, it was getting very wet everywhere. i knew it, just lazy, so continued lying on the bed. hey so now the main electricity plug went off after the first thunder-storm and lightning. entire house went black. wake up and check, turn on the plug again, wipe off all the water, moved in the mahjong table etc....electricity went off again followed by another thunder.

now everyone were awake. just get all the stuff done la...and go back to sleep....felt ultimate terrifying. was abuot to sleep...and now i heard the bloody sliding window keep knocking each other, like someone was knocking outside the windows. what to do? continue sleeping la, maybe heavy rain the "good brother" behind no place to hide just wanna borrow a shield tts y knocking the windows. too bad, hiding in the comforter in an air con room during a heavy rain at night is just simply too comfortable....

* ehh...this is not scary movie...

happy playing with all of them, all very cincai also, diff with last time went with those...ppl, haha. must come again next time, too bad ej, jy and tw din cum, sigh.

射雕英雄传

watching a great china series 射雕英雄传. stand solid on the top list of all versions of this legendary novel of 金庸.

I like the actor/actress chosen for the characters that fit in pretty well. 郭靖(李亚鹏) almost preserved all his famous quality of "dumb". Really dumb, until you can't stand it, ahah. and persevere, hard work, straight, candid, and always dealt on the square. the best idol and example with succesive achievement of an "extra-ordinary" person by practising and exhibiting all these qualities.

and for 黄蓉, initially i wasn't quite accepted her whose acted by 周迅 yet after episode and episode, i found she actually has far more than what 朱茵 can shows. yup, i still think 黄蓉 should looks like 朱茵, unfortunately she doesnt up to 黄蓉's inner qualities, which are so prominent and significant. hmm, ya, no one ever said 黄蓉 is pretty but she is definitely sharp and smart. to be more accurate, she is simple yet tricky. hmm, maybe 朱茵 look + 周迅's act is the perfect combi. haha.

穆念慈(蒋勤勤)of this version definitely much better than the TVB's. China's TV must has truly understand what million's of fans around the world are imagine when they read the novel. she simply act as what I am expecting (oh yea, only me and only me, haha), which the TVB version had completely ruined this strong character. damn HK TVB.

and most other characters in the shows are well designed and exhibit at least one level up than TVB when comes to finer detail of one's character. 包惜弱, 梅超风, 洪七公, 黄药师...they are definitely well studied before put it up on show. Especially 洪七公, i like him sooo much, haha.

Just spent some time at night watching at such good series is definitely relaxing after work. Want to watch it again to see properly how those talented china actor/actress perform and present the characters that live in the heart of the fans over the world. Until today, and finally, there is one series that lifted successfully to the expectation of the crowd.

We must be glad, to visualize the dream in our heart after spend yearss and countless nights in the younger age reading 射雕英雄传.

The existance of science (the existance of philosophy) came from a lot of proven evidence (they have to), that makes the fact a fact; the existance of a religion (the existance of GOD) came from no evidence ever says that it is wrong, that makes the belief a belief.

Their origin is different, in a way, the faith of human to a religion is pretty "scientifically logical", well, a good scienctist never say it is wrong unless he/she can prove it.

Anyway, i am just one of the many atheist out there. because i study science and trained in science, i believe in sth call evidence and fact. though i can't prove a religion wrong either, I don't believe in GOD while I do accept its existance in the heart of many ppl.

for the sake of social harmony, this shldn't be the topic because there are forever parallel and you will never find them meet each other. the believer uses the heart.
but the disbeliever uses the brain.

as a biomedical student, the brain and the heart is equally important physiologically, at least to me.

鐘欣桐!!!

oh dear, i MUST write this down....

it was a friday morning...yesterday la..need to go in lab earlier, but don't want to wake up earlier, so i pay more to take the mrt train instead of the bus...:P

when i was on the escalator i saw a girl...from bottom-back, she was lean on the handle on the station. i could see a little bit of her face from a narrow angle.

Surprise!!!! Pretty and looks like 鐘欣桐!!! Twins's!!!

i was so tempted to look at her face to make sure again if tt's just a pretty girl or Ah-Gill....probably not ah-gill la of course i think, ahhahaha....was being pervert and observe from her back. she was taking a dark blue soft cover folder and holding a one-side school bag, light brown with orange stripe on edge. wearing faded-blue jeans and white colour shirt with crossing-line pattern ...those like you'll see in most hong kong's secondary school uniform during winter...having some make up also la....but pretty fine and nice, wun be like a monkey ass....:P oh yes, until now the best angle of me was from 90 degree from the side, damn...

then we were taking the same train, damn pervert again me feel like following her so we went in through the same door. because 90 degree is not good enough!!:P i seriously cant make sure if she really ah Gill or not...though i think she was just look-alike la...thank god we were going to the same direction...from bukit gombak to pasir ris direction...through out the journey i hope she'll trying to move her body or what(most importantly move her face).....oh my god, she was like a craft standing there without even took up her hand to hold the handle!!

..............

i seriously think a lot of ppl in the train is attarcted. i saw a lot of ppl, of course most of them are guys, were looking at her too. she seems like knowing she can attracts the attention....pardon me, and fogive me, until i left the train, i didnt even see her face properly. maybe this makes her looks prettier which the imagination part counts the most.

such a imaginative morning journey to work. what a nice day.

i must be dreaming.

Demam-denggi

Damn i always complain. i have been so busy....yep, everyday also busy. every time also say busy.....

trying hard to cope with the work after CNY anyway, totally awakened after chap goh me. Reminded me the new year is over and i shall move on. about the project again. let me conclude it in short: i have to be more persevere.

There is nothing much special recently, just in and out and one week is over again. my week pass so fast, should it be a good sign of enjoying the life.

tell you if you do not know it. my name is mosquito. my buddy called me mosquito, used to. and one of my good fren was hospitalized 3 days ago, she got low platelet count. a syndrome of dengue fever.

went to visit her with sc and she looks pretty fine, probably the bloody flavivirus still yet to strike. it has been delayed for 4 days before she got forced to see the doctors, what the hell. i told her one day she'll **** in her room and when ppl realised it was already weeks and weeks. simply lack of the sense of urgency, shall the factor of paranoid please now expressed with a mild level in her.

luckily got the gang who like to squeeze in her room that know what/how she is doing, they really know how to make her see doctor. anyway it's a good chance to know how's the pathogenesis of dengue. it's not as easy to get dengue anyway.....because one bite is not sufficient to cause this fever. you'll need 2 bites from aedes to get the fever. so all of the patients are those that hit the jack pot for twice. god bless. how lucky can it be.

ok, actually you may get 2 bites or more in a night if there is mosquitos in your small room. sorry.

called her up today because suspected this is the day of lowest platelet count, but apparently the counts went up but still below normal. i was surprise when the doctor gives her 8 tablets of panadol per day with inconsistent intervals. sigh, hope she will gets well soon.

mosquito ah....phobia man.

i am in paranoid mode now.

OD Archive 2004

Was managing my D drive and folders....and found the left over from the previous online diary...


The day before Singapore national day.

Finally, i left the place i stayed for the past 3 years, . It was my home where the only place in singapore i can go anytime without any reason.

It was.

I have friends there that i'll count them on and help them at any cost if necessary, some of my hometown friends complaint at me because i seldom go back to ipoh.....i do admit part of the reason is busy but that's not the only one. somehow i acquired syndrom like 'double home sick' where i'll missed the other site wherever i'm. i have equally important friends in both places.

I missed the days when alamak was my roomate; i missed the days when our room was the most popular room of the year; I missed the days of old hall 2nd floor ppl squeezed in my room chatting overnight; I missed the days of virtual cop II, daytona, nfs, with kh and alamak; I missed the day when kayu and i first produced the prototype of master scale for rag together; i missed the days sally became my private welfare IC during Zenithe.

I missed the day I got my DigiMon comforter and mattress for my 21 year old bday; I missed the days i was having hard time together with kayu and yl; i missed the day when the ppl in furniture shop thought kayu n i were married; I missed the days when wb came to my room to distract me from study because he want to play badminton; I missed the days when cm was the landscape executive but i regret 2 of us didn't take a single photo together with our master piece; I missed the days ah foong asked me down for handball and dinner esp when evelyn was not free to hv dinner with him;

I missed the day when cm broke my nick secret; I missed the days i went to sw's room to see his superb FIFA skills and teased him for his lousy move in LOTR pc game; I missed the days of neon genesis evangelion, ninjai, 12 kokuki, gundam seed, hikaru no go, naruto, one piece and TVB series; I missed the days of Matrix mania with wb and mark; I missed the days i was having badminton with eujack, sh and cm, and the pool session straight after that; I missed the days when i was having intense pharmacology and medical microbiology revision with sc in MSN; I missed the days of cm open the gate for me....

I lived the days i missed, with my friends.

Just want to say i spent most of my time with friends in this place for 3 years, i met good friends.

I suddenly remember what wb said before he left: it's not the place that we missed but we'll never live this kind of life again.

Now I understand.