family

I've almost forgotten how a family should function.

I've lost my father for many years, not because he rests in peace, it was because he left the family. My mum then pulled through probably the toughest period of her life, and now we all grown up all thanks to her. It is something an outsider can never experience.

Regardless what's the form of a family, a complete family should include father and mother. It is quite upset for my mum to hear this, the actual fact is we never lack of a single piece of maternal love; yet no matter what, the absence after the departure of my father is irreplaceable and is dearly missed. It wasn't my mum's fault; the boot was still empty regardless how she tried.

I moved into a new place and ej's parents came for a visit. Over the period they stayed here, I thought we were in a family. I laughed at ej and brother they probably drown in the maternal/paternal love, as all of the housekeeping was well taken care. But that wasn't the most important one, it was when i saw how they communicate and live as a family. Respect, appreciation, care, tolerance, acceptance and understanding; they probably know each other so well.

It strikes me at once. I thought I felt the "family".

I said to my bro once, maybe it is a good thing our father left the family so we all grown up in a way as we are now, because my mentality and the way I think did make a great shift after my father had left. Perhaps, it wasn't a bad thing after all because I am quite pleased with the person as who am I now. I certainly do not agree with a lot of my character in the past. Not entirely being influenced but it just appears never get out of his shadow. And I guess the reason I severely lack of confidence today was due to accumulate unappreciated effort and recognition over the years. Making excuse for this doesn’t help; I am just trying to make sense of what has happened to me. Maybe it will help me understand myself better.

It was his departure that make today's mine. i didn't learn anything from him as far as i can remember, I learn a lot of characters from my mum, both good one and bad one. But it was him who makes me developed. From what my mum has told (cos i dun remember who is he and how he behave), I thought I certainly surpass him as a person.

I am pleased.