Reshuffling. New house. New life.

I am moving into a new house this saturday. it's going to end my 22 months tenancy in sm's place. i am getting a little excited and looking forward to it.

while i am packing i started throwing things away, including a lot a lot of letters over the years when i was undergrad. i was very diligent back then. =)
btw lets get back to what i wanted to say.....so what bother me now is what we call "companionship".

it wasn't the first time i feel lonely. if you are aware there were even entries i stated it bluntly. everyone say be strong and independent. so, how, you tell me. human are by nature animals live in group, it just happened that some do adapt better living alone over time. when i was in the hall, there are so many ppl around and i choose to be alone most of the time. and getting a little anti social towards the end.

when i moved out from hostel, i missed the presence of my friends dearly. i was never been completely detached from the hall anyway, it just gradually move on to the life i am having now. i am now live without the hall, except the badminton court. and the pool table. i am completely fine with the life now. it was a little difficult to have a meal on your own for the first time, but it will become a normal practice sooner than imagined.

regardless i was adapted to live alone, to a certain extent, i found it is nothing to do with ...how strong and independent are you. there are feeling and opinion genuinely generated from bottom of your heart. jelousy, loneliness, happiness, depression etc, as well as the need for companionship. we were always told you must be stronger, tougher....what's wrong with having a weaker character? PREFERRED NOT to be alone is not a sin. CANNOT live alone is just...desperate.

we were told to be strong and tough and independent. it's like feeling lonely is a negative reflection of your character. like you are forever-never-grown-up-spoilt-brat. this thought deeply confused me. i thought we were born to have our own character, exhibit different attributes. some can live alone better but some don't.

i guess the real point doesnt lie on how strong/independent are you. it is HOW YOU RESPOND to the emptiness and loneliness. taking out of the context, you naturally feel jealous when your gf went out with her ex. you very upset for not making into second upper class by 0.007. there are ppl cannot stand one to feel jealous, like it is very..not gentlemen; or feeling disappointed for the 0.007 is being plain weak.

give me a break, folks.

living weak is not entirely wrong in its own way. self psycho to make yourself a stronger person? don't make me laugh man. no one can get away from it until the day we understand our own feeling. i know i am happy today, i know i am sad today. i feel lonely now, go for a movie with friend; i feel jealous, but she was comfortable even the last time i went out with my first crush. it's nothing wrong being yourself as...weak/jealous/sad/depressed/angry/frustrated/bored, as long as you know how to respond to the emotion and feeling.

I am looking forward to the new life in the new house.

I prefer to stay with friends.

I don't want to stay on my own.