天使

我以为，天使有轻微自虐倾向。

对一个女孩很好是因为喜欢她，却完全没有要她喜欢自己而去对她很好的企图。然后还可以象个悲剧英雄般对一个不再爱你的人说，以后无论什么时候，只要一个电话，我会马上出现在你面前。他是伤心时才找的，快乐时是用来忘记的。

听起来是女人的福气。比朋友甜蜜，却不用象对男朋友付出那么多，谁不想要一个这样的守护天使。不要也只是因为良心发现，所以还没发现时最好听内心的。

天使默默付出，女人静静接受。象愿打和愿挨的道理一样，我又没有用枪指着你的头迫你，只是如果有被枪指着头的话会比较容易隐藏天使的身份罢了。

不计付出的奉献，听起来很伟大，也很笨。只是我不会看不起笨天使，因为如果可以选的话，谁要做天使。不苟同不代表不了解，只是有很多人没吃过爱情的苦，认为那时自找的。那是有钱人笑穷人饿死是不去买饭吃。真是大有道理呢。一定是没听见不苟同不代表不了解。你是不了解才不苟同，混球。

爱是黑洞，填也填不满。有一天你发觉失去天使的翅膀时，发现已经没有多余的爱可以奉献。已被掏空的心，倾尽了所有的一切，再无余力去爱。那时，你拖着疲惫的身躯，却只能看见一片苍凉。天使的下场都是一样凄凉的。

如果，你是一个天使，我是来告诉你天使的代价，当作圣诞礼物。

圣诞节快乐。

Satisfaction

The moment I look at (think of) the outstanding tasks yet to be done, I feel such a massive weight behind my head, all the time. when i wake up, when i go for lunch, when i sit on the toilet bowl. The only time i have not think of it may be when i was under general anaesthesia in the surgery.

And there is not much i can do now because things are not ready. not because I am not ready. this is exactly like a soccer player so eager going back to the pitch but the fractured forth metatarsal is not recovered yet. i say, waiting is the best way for the stress to build up.

I sit in front of the pc for 7 hours today. just to screen and read all the papers I need to (have to) cite, which is thing i hate to do the most.....because reading scientific reports is a very dry and brain intensive process. it exhausts brain stamina, tiring. maciam play 200 mnutes soccer match full pitch with 10 vs 11. and i can never understand why scientists like to use difficult descriptions when there is easier and reader-friendly way of expression. maybe by the time i am about to finish my paper or the reviewer reject for the 3rd time, i would understand.

so by 7pm today, i finished 50Mb of reports in pdf.

I am so satisfied.

This is incredible. and i think what's enough is enough. This would be the only time for a 7 hours sci-reading-streak.

because i have blur vision and guess it wouldn't go away until i wake up tml.

悠长假期

今天是长假最后一天。

打从上星期三动手术开始，躲在家里呆了三天。有世君在，还可以讲讲话，然后他有很多东西做的，那种家庭主妇爱做的事。去什么地方买东西啊，或把沙发套拿去洗之类。反正我闲着，也就乐得帮忙，然后学煮粥给自己吃。

结果现在很厉害煮粥。敢吃就来。

周末简直是在发飙，象很久没放纵那种。下午玩百万富翁，晚上去看戏，宵夜时就破戒吃东西了，回到家还可以继续看曼联。星期天在Vivocity从早到晚逛了一天，回到家已经晚上，然后看死亡笔记漫画。象梦游一样过完两天。

昨 天拆线后上街去，走到MPH书局看见汉英字典，想起文心，就打了电话给他。再走一下，我看见一出叫Mirmo Zibang的动画，一出妙君想要看很久却又找不到的。那边全十四集，缺第六。问店主，说乌节路的店有第六。我想了想，拿了1-5，然后一口气就付钱了。 回到家静一静时，心里其实有一点点后悔，又不是什么特别的人，竟然还那么慷慨，真的不便宜呢。而且，那是他三，四年前叫我们随便一个有BT的帮他下载。那 时听都没听过那动画，我看Naruto的嘛。一下就没放在心上了，反正又不是我的女朋友。然后有点庆幸，还好14缺6。要不，我八成全买了。

然后我打了一个电话给妙君。
我说，有空吗。
她说，约我什么事，有东西给我啊。妈的。好大的自信。原来他随口猜什么都会中，难怪。
我只好说要给你圣诞礼物。
他问是什么，
我说，你那么聪明，你猜啊。
他想不出，
我说，你一定会喜欢的。
他说，不要那么神秘，会有很高期望的。怕会失望，所以不猜。他说这句话的时候是用很开心很开心的语气在笑的。
我想，现在不大你等几时，就说，高就高，我才不怕达不到期望。这回我很有信心。

结果约了周末。

然后我现在又后悔讲过那种话了。因为在我听到他很开心的语气那一刻，我已经有念头去乌节路买剩下的6-14。妈的。

去不去呢?

去，这叫买笑。而且这笑很贵。

不去，有点半桶水，没点干脆。

去? 不去?

This was the last painting of year 2005.


And this is the first painting completed in year 2006.
if you still remember this painting.....it was about 6 months ago.




After then I have been painting constantly.








And this was the latest painting. yet to be completed.

Trying something different, i thought it will be easy. and it turns out exceptionally difficult technically.



enjoy.

檞寄生

我在看蔡智恒的檞寄生 。 上网查看发觉那生字有误用嫌疑，还好他不是植物学研究生主修毕业，就算错了也罪不至死。想是有人看他迅速走红，眼睛也跟着发红，捉着这点穷追猛打。又不是教小学算术一加二乘三等于九，唉，何苦。

我还没看完，可是很喜欢。一直想写一篇这样的小说，可惜没有凝聚力，日子拖了一天又一天，到底没写出。里头有段文字，我想是说中了我的心情。

荃说，还有我觉得你并不适合写稿，你没有能力写的，你一定写不出来的。。。。。。

。。。。。。如果你帮我写稿，你可能每星期要写一千字。但你的文字不是被制造出来的，你的文字是自然地诞生出来的。

所以就算这些年来在网上写了不少毫无意义的文字，它们对我都是一篇篇的真实回忆录，我是不对自己撒谎的。还有，老实说，自然诞生这回事我相信。我的故事可以和檞寄生一样触动人心。我是说我写得出来。我不对自己撒谎的。

只是，非常喜欢荃的能力，能够看见颜色的能力。

还是紫色somemore。

Simin

Congrats.

You have the blessing from my heart.

May the happiness be with you.

and your family, forever.

竹内结子 Yuko Takeuchi

我最近看了很多电影。The Prestige，看蝙蝠侠对X-Men, 好看，不过我不喜欢。然后之前就是那出好看又喜欢的ま、会いにゆきます。然后没有了。唔，其实不是很多。哈哈。现在在看木村和竹内结子的 The Pride，借的。

因为我喜欢上竹内结子。


象以前喜欢中山美穗那样。


然后又发现了一些很象样的地方。


看了情书后，看沉睡的森林，2000之恋。。。不停地看，角色不同了，也渐渐失去热忱。我想，我只是喜欢第一次看见她们那出戏里的角色。中山美穗1995年的情书，和竹内结子2004年的ま、会いにゆきます。突然发现两部电影相隔九年，不知不觉的九年后，我才看到另一个中山美穗。

不难明白吧。

外表散发着亮丽的光华而不炫目，感觉亲切而不遥远。表面恬静，内心丰富，人性化，朴素。

就是这些。

所以。

不难明白吧。

deadline deadline

It is going to be my first phase of closing my first major research project. i think this is important to me, because it makes me feel i've accomplished sth significant.

After discussed with yc i think the skeleton of the paper is almost done, with important figures are ready to get their places. 5 more weeks to work on all of the remaining experiments, and then going on a stretch of leave with a holiday trip to cameroon followed by 1 week MC due to operation. then december will be my time to write the paper, get the draft done by christmas, have a break and then sent the manuscript to publisher by CNY, then go celebrate edi haha.... finger cross, yc had offered me the first authorship, i hope things go well. i am determine to explore how much i hv improve exactly, so far. growing in any attribute in any aspect of life is a gratifying experience. call me naive now, there is no money involve in spite of the massive effort i had put in.

it's sth else. there is fame and influence, which is not within measure range of money capable of. As the first name appearing in a scientific literature in international publication is probably my carrot, probably the source of courage too. hmm...i wonder if how many ppl will read my paper....


my alternative source of inspiration.....

that's why I always feel that there isn't much time for me to catch the deadline for 2007 August intake of postgraduate program these days. else have to enrol for 2008 january edi. And what make thing worse is i have been long perceive the deadlne is on January. today i checked the deadline.

thanks.

it is 1st december.

there is no way i could meet the date considering the tasks on plate now. fortunately was lunch with kayu and we talked about it. she said it is still possible to submit the application after the deadline. on one hand i am quite relief, on the other hand a delay of 5 month maybe can buy me some time to get a head start before all the classes and lectures begin.....ok, this was my "self-explanatory-cum-consolation" before meet up with kayu, if i really cannot make it to august intake la. i can then clear all the major dirty work in lab within that 5 months, then go to classes when school start. ordinary ppl like me will feel less workload and stress. multitasking certainly not sth i am good at..

this is an additional point. self-esteem one. i guess my bone is made of sciences and my soul is made of arts.

Seriously, i feel like a director shooting a film rushing for deadline of Oscar Awards submission now.

模范生

I just finished watching how Man Utd came back from behind and beat Wigan 3-1. i went back to my room trying to surf the soccernet match report.

Then I saw this:



The MSN users in highlight are my cousins, they are brothers. Red is the elder. haha, I can't resist myself, i am very amused. seriously I am laughing now, haha. Who knows what's going on.

ya you are right. the 模范生 elder brother even got his spelling wrong......

Be with you

I had a good cry.

It certainly deserved as my movie of the year.

Be with you.