I swear I love you.

I came across the article from a blogger called Michael Beckman, circulated by haen vee. and this is the 2nd time i read it after the article released back in november last year.

click here and here to read the original articles.

Actually this is nothing much more than losing my tantrum. frankly, i seldom share my political view publicly if you are not willing to listen in the first place.

I have no intention to hard sell how superior is this neighbouring island compare to the mainland besides. everytime the taxi driver complaint about how our(their) leader making comment on each other at any issue that can be quarrel, i feel like a kid listening to the aunty next door say how my mum bully her. and just because i stay with the aunty next door, i was accused of not loving my mum anymore, and being treated more like a visitor than a brother by my siblings every time i go home. and always been seen as just a matter of time before i call another women "mum".

i run away from home because i am looking for a better life, not because of i dislike my mum. if ever there is any valid accusation, it is i love myself more than my mum. and everytime the brothers at home complain about how difficult is their life, there is no solution offered to themselves and to the nation as well, besides feeding their hard earn money into the pocket of the traffic police, and sent the astronaut to make teh tarik in the space. i am sorry i couldn't find a solution for the nation, i can only solve for myself, so i leave for a better place in relative. then i wonder if the choice to stay is decided, why my brothers still want to complain, while on the other hand looking at their brothers stay away from home as "betrayer", if this is too heavy for a word to used. i am not even sure if my brother understand there is a word closer to the fact called "refugee".

Generalize going abroad as do-not-love-your-mum is simply disorientated. it distracted the attention from the reasons of the departure of the kid, to a threatening question: love mum or leave mum. it seems like regardless what's the reason, you do not love your mum anymore as long as you leave, you have to stay in order to show your love. the reason behind have not been addressed properly, or unable to address in the first place. in truth, it is not an issue our brother would like to entertain because it certainly not sth they can change even they try their best. 200 overseas m'sian professionals invited to come back to serve their nation, and none of them stay. by saying the currency or money speaks is just getting the issue too easy and under estimate your own elite away from home. it is the condusive environment and correct culture that matters if you still do not understand now.

Everytime i look at the number of malaysian contribute to the island instead of their own soil, i wonder how much we can achieve if we diverted all this effort into msia. before i figure out the exact progress in equivalent, i figure out how much energy we lost in the process to reach our target. i admit i am severely lack of confidence in our own country, but i just don't want to say "boleh" everytime even when i am self-psycho-ing. i am just feeling frustrated as chinese proverb say 恨铁不成钢.....maybe "激心" is the better word...if you know how to speak cantonese.

i have never like singapore because i never feel like at home. but this is the best option within my reach. so i decided to trade "creativity and freedom" with "justice and integrity" at the expense of "home". there is no right for myself to complain about how ppl's kitchen should looks like because the decision made have accounted for every shortcoming in the package. however, everytime i went home and all i heard is bad news. ....is just too much, i have no energy even listen to them. say i am trying to avoid the problem, say i am putting self-comfort in priority. i wish i am deaf to all the news i heard. i wish i could hear sth motivating and encouraging everytime i go home, not some NGO find out how the government have sign an unfair agreement regarding toll fees, not some minister was found guilty for building expensive house without submitting the plan, not a pathetic RM200 for the banjir victim. A genuine good news is certainly not when you see bad guys kena punished, even it maybe, maybe a beginning for a real good news.

i am concern. i am just helpless.

i do not want to speak for every single msian because most likely there are really ppl who has not feel anything about msia even it disappear one day. but i guess there is always a bunch of msian, not only in singapore, who care about how's the atmosphere and weather in msia from time to time. why care? so that we know if it has become a better place to stay. so when it is time to come back, we would like to stay in our home. opportunistic? if you buy this school of thought i have nothing to say. I just don't want our next generation grown up in a place where i have to teach them how to differentiate a real police instead of going for them when you got rob.

tell me i am naive, but i swear i love you, malaysia.