who is he?

Just suddenly think of someone. So I decided to talk about him.

I wanted to ask my mum when she had fall in love with my dad. what did they do when they went out for date. Were they enjoy the sweetest time in their life? Were their sweetest memory come in pairs with each other? how did he confess before he gets you? you got your first flower in life from him?

Suddenly i found myself so strong at times, and so fragile at times too. I certainly remember the days when we were at the breaching edge. however, those days do not haunt me anymore. I told cm one day, it took me very long before I can even mention him comfortably, to entertain, or accomodate the ignorance of a friend(s). Back the years then there were few people who can understand. however, now it seems i was just plain naive. they do not understand at all. they are my good friends, who were just willing to spare a pairs of ears. and trying hard to share my collapsing emotion. yet they still act like nothing happen to me and trying real hard to give me another part of life that is at least flooded with happiness and laughters. you know who you are when i say "my good friends". I know i am damn rich.

what makes one matured? life experience. I used to wish it never happen to me. well, now I do not hold the same wish or anything close. It is my life, a path that i walk by myself that belongs to myself only, which is shaping who am i today. I accept it as part of me and live with it. though in a the case of 'never happen' were always sth good to have, well....it is just too good to believe.

I almost forget how to call someone "dad" because i do not practice it for long. it started trigger the curiousity of the inner mine, asking question like is he someone very fierce? or he is someone do not talk much? Now then I realise I do not understand him. What kind of person he is? I definitely old enough to remember who is he, I wasnt a kid anymore back then. but when i screen through the memory database, all the files were either corrupted, or i have not met the minimum system requirement to access the files.

I have no idea of the diagnosis results in such a way that I am forgeting him. It definitely not. I can remember the days when he brought me to his school to play basketball when i complaint the courts nearby are always occupied by elder teenagers. I can also remember he will brought me whole set of children magazine like "3M newspaper", "Good student", so and so every monday. I also remember he brought me to join the school trip to Gua Tempurung. and he fetched me every tuesday and thursday after my school team tabletennis training. and I remember he said "take it as a hobby" when I cried like a pussy because I was drop out from the team last minute in a competition. I remember he was the one against my will to go for a proper art lesson under some artist nearby.

But i have no idea of who is he? I dunno what he thinks.

yes, I don't know my father.

Who is he?